Friday, August 13, 2010

Senior Men - Live Commentary

Universal Sports live broadcast:

Catty Comments here, providing some real-time reaction to the Universal Sports broadcast. After racing home, I flipped on the TV as Al Trautwig is saying, "Everybody here is in great shape, but I'm gonna have a dream tonight, and in that dream I have Chris Brooks' body... this guy is cut." 5 seconds into the broadcast, and I already need earbleach. Elfi responded, "Better be a good dream..." Is this the national championships or the next Twilight film?

Tim Daggett, really? You gotta tell me?

If Steve Legendre is ever on a date and it's not going well, he can save everything by chucking that Dragalescu vault. It's like busting out a can of insta-hawt. The 17.05 is just the cigarette afterwards from the judges.

Danell Leyva's goal is to be Olympic AA champion, yet ALL men's Olympic AA champions in modern history have better basics and execution than Leyva. Dude - it's called an E score. Look into it.

Oh, that's why Andrea Joyce interviews - she's the only person short enough to interview Haley Horton face-to-face. Apparently Haley got Jon to a nutritionist, since apparently he never had access to a nutritionist at Oklahoma University, or years on the men's national team, or training camps at the USOTC.

I HATE red socks. That is all.

Awww, Brian Meeker is in the stands! And he's now a YouTube celebrity for his famous crashed vault from the 80's - good times.

According to Tim, roll-out elements are "now popular" on floor exercise. You know what else is now popular with the kids? Roundoffs. And blue jeans. And Coca-Cola.

Leyva just got caught in a jam - literally - on high bar. Monster layout kovacs, a Liukin (layout full-twisting Tkachev), a layout Tkachev like it's nothing, and biffs a jam. He dismounted layout double-double casually dejected.

Way to go Tim - pitching the website! Seriously, a great cause. He should get a tax deduction for that mention.

Dr. Tim Daggett is now telling us about Chris Cameron's leg condition and artificially creating another growth plate for his leg to grow. $100 says that Rebecca Bross' dad is currently googling whether they can re-grow her calves using the same technique.

Andrea Joyce interviewing Justin Spring, "What is it about your personality that makes you a good coach?" That's like asking Lindsay Lohan today, "What makes you a good rehab patient?" It's only been a few days, Andrea. Give him time!

Horton just hit his second pommel routine in a row - apparently marriage is good for him!

After Haley becomes a doctor, I shall thereafter always refer to them as Dr. & Mr. Horton.

Leyva on floor - why does he land his roundoffs almost in a straddle? Impressive layout double-double to open, double layout dismount. All the little things, Danell. If I were his coach, he would be in ballet class every day trying to get an iota of extension and sex appeal.

Legendre's triple back off of high bar is so open he could almost do triple pike. Or a full-twisting triple back aka triffus aka the Tavares...

Thank you NBC Universal - I didn't need to see another men's routine. I am watching live to watch Bridget & Nastia artificially laugh while "watching."

In the ATT commercials, who is Nick Gismondi, and how can I get me a piece of that?

Quick montage of Leyva's dad/coach/cheer captain, Yin Alvarez. His mantra to Danell is stay calm, focused, and don't get excited. I think Yin does all of the excitement his gymnasts need. Word is that Yin reacts that much to every single gymnast he coaches during every single competition routine at any level. That's a lotta looooooong Level 4 meets.

Jon Horton just rocked his rings almost as hard as his hair gel - he's a heck of a closer, almost like Zenyatta, but with pecs. 16.2.

And answering, Danell just rocked pommels. Yin is doing a Mary Lou Retton lands vault 1 in the Olympic AA final hopping routine. Where is Bela when you need him to leap over the barricade pick up Yin in a big bear hug? 14.35, good for Danell (8.65 E), but it gives Horton a .95 lead going into vault, where yesterday he rocked a 16.05.

Brooks on floor with heavily taped ankles and a heavily re-worked exercise. He's overtime, limping after the routine, could barely lift off the ground on a stag leap after his side pass.

And in Rotation 6, suddenly Wes Haagensen exists! Just in time for him to biff pommels! Sigh. Keep your chin up Wes, and someday Andrea Joyce will ask you inane questions on the competition floor!

Alexy Bilozerchev now on pommels - he's looking good! I wonder if Marinich makes Alexy do extra strength at the USOTC to make up for his dad stealing the 80's Soviet thunder for so many years.

I'm hoping NBC Universal shows my caucasian wonder child Sam Mikulak on floor. You know you want to, Al.

Dear Nastia - it is not 1975, and you are not Karen Carpenter. Try some modern tops, with modern colors. Blousy gathered dusty rose polyester is... yeah, no. And if you put flowers in your hair, all of your San Francisco gay fans will groan in displeasure.

Leyva hits rings. Now miracle of miracles, Legendre hit clean on pommels. Brooks hit on pommels after TWO falls on day 1. What's next, Amy Winehouse sober? Charlie Sheen happy and non-wife-beaty?

Horton vaults an easy-looking double front, with a small step forward. He has defended his AA title, and is the easy winner over Leyva 181.650 - 179.350.

Wynn hits a crazy pbar routine including a crazy double back 1/2, followed by a normal tucked double back, and a double pike dismount with 1 step. He locks up a solid 3rd AA, 2 points over 4th place Chris Brooks.

News flash - Carly & Nastia live in the same suburban Dallas subdivision. Attention stalkers - Carly lives alone. Thank you for creepy interview John Roethlisberger.

Carly has Olympic rings tattooed on her ankle - thank goodness she shaved her legs for that closeup. A closeup of Carly's leg tat is far better than watching the men's EF medal ceremonies in the background - excellent choice Universal Sports.

And... it's Chellsie Memmel! She's "on a break" from gymnastics. Way to rock the IG2 shirt. She says she's not yet "officially" done with gymnastics. John calls her gymnastics tough, "like a dude", to her face. Nastia's looking at her like she wants to jump her for the 2005 World AA gold medal. Aaaaaand... commercial.

On the TV broadcast, Nastia is comparing her dad's routine reaction vs. Yin Alvarez. Yin was never constantly beaten as a child by Soviet coaches melding him into the perfect combination of artistic & athletic... perhaps that's the difference between Yin & Valeri.

And according to Nastia, we'll be back tomorrow night for the "Girls'" AA finals! Does this mean that Sacramone has to give back her drinking license?


  1. Yin Alvarez. O.M.G. Take a valium or something. Good gosh

  2. why does everyone bring up rebecca bross' dad? what's the scoop? I have never read or seen anything about him

  3. Luv U Catty Comments! And I think Bross's Dad is an orthopedic surgeon or some such?

  4. How about that Brandon Wynn, huh? That PB skill where he rolled around like an Easter Egg was seriously fun to watch.

    Forget the ATT guy - where can I get a piece of Chris Brooks??

  5. "Jon Horton just rocked his rings almost as hard as his hair gel - he's a heck of a closer, almost like Zenyatta, but with pecs. 16.2."

    I'm probably one of few, if not the only person, who got this.

  6. Kelly P - there are stories about Bross' dad that he's tough, and it's obvious Bross takes after him - she's one tough athlete. I haven't seen anything firsthand.

    Luv you too Anony #2! And Anony #3, apparently for Chris Brooks we'll have to get in line behind Al Trautwig...


  7. Anony #4, then that Zenyatta reference was just for us!


  8. Yay Andrea! Okay, a couple of us know Zenyatta. Woot!

    AJ is going to return and wonder when his skatenastics blog turned horsey, and without one mention of Nancy Kerrigan. Whoops, that was one mention...


  9. Nastia completely sucks at interviewing people she didn't train and/or compete with. John might be annoying but he does a better job of it, imo.

  10. i would seriously punch yin alvarez in the face soooooo hard...then sleep with his son. woot woot!

  11. Most awkward ending ever with Nastia cutting off Raj's predictions for the World team and the broadcast ending abruptly.

    Nastia, ppppplease come back and do bars!

  12. OMG I am laughing so hard tears I should have stayed home and followed you then watch this shit live. There is only so much watching Nastia walk around the arena to find teh camera I can take.

  13. STAY RETIRE NASTIA You uglu big nosed bitch. It is bad enough usa-gymnastics still shoves you down our throats. GO AWAY

  14. Shawn is coming back. Like a shark. She's gonna chew people up. Queue movie music.

  15. Bross' dad used to make her run to the gym - drop her off a couple of miles away and make her run there. Ah, those were the days. I dunno if Valeri straightened him up or not.