Olympic Trails Day 1 Live Blog

Well bitches, here we are.  The Olympic Trails.  Frankly, I just did Shiva Rea's lunar flow yoga to find my inner piece in order to get through this event without the need for Xanax or Svedka during Nastia's bars and Gabby Douglas' beam routine.  I was supposed to be having a viewing party, but no one in Manhattan can afford space large enough to host others except for Tara Lipinski and she stole our dreams like she stole Michelle's medal and headed to the Hamptons.

The crowd at Trials is supposedly intense.  This will be quite the night.  For those of you drinking...

1. Take a shot every time Tim or Elfi mention that the beam is only four inches wide while one of the girls are wobbling or falling and undoubtedly wanting to take their own life.

2. Take a shot if Alicia's beam fall from Beijing is mention.  Take a drink if it is shown.

3.  Take a shot if NBC shows Nastia's bar woes from Nationals.

4.  Take a sip if Nastia and Bross fail to look at one another after routines.

5.  Take a drink if they make genuine eye contact.

6.  Take a drink if Bross at any times looks like her life is in danger.

7.  Take two shots if it is on her Patterson dismount.

8.  Take a sip every time Martha Karolyi is mentioned by two names.

9.  Take a sip every time she looks unfriendly.

10.  Take a drink every time Tim mentions seeing someone do gymnastics (or that skill) as a little girl or in the past.

11.  Take two shots if it is Maroney on vault.

12.  Take a sip every time John Geddert looks like a tool.

13.  Take a drink if NBC shows the white board.

14.  Take a shot if it looks like Elfi is fumbling with the white board names on camera.

15.  Take a drink every time you question the testosterone levels of any of the gymnasts in Group A (the power gymnast group.)


Let's do this.



Focus on Nastia.  Here we go.  Shot one of Martha.  This music is too soft and friendly for Martha.  Note to Martha: compete doesn't start with a 'K.'

Note: Kyla Ross is about to be an Olympian and I forget to tag her every single time I write a post.  That means something.

First mention of Gabby Douglas' mental strength and allusion to her being a giant head case.

Martha is always mentioning tears lately.  We never see them.

Maroney looks sharp.  First shot of her injury.  Take a drink.  Martha is pleased she is ignoring her concussion.

Maroney should skip bars and beam.  She slaughtered those bitches at Worlds.  Still hasn't landed one as well as she can this year.  She is not sticking them.  The vault is excellent, but the step has been the same every time. 16.100.  Deserved.  NBC has a traffic light to indicate what is good for the casual viewers.  Not a great landing on the second vault.  Both vaults could be better.  The second is probably good enough to win the Olympic vault title, but it is looking like she could sit it down.

Money shot of Bross' knees!  I respect her effort, but she makes it look like work.  There is nothing elegant here.  This is the best she has looked on bars this year.  Little baby step with the right foot.  Best she could have done.

Raisman.  Consistent like a mule.  Tucked in the air.  Not quite as bad as at Nationals.  It was a bit low.  They will score her generously.  That was gross on the replay.

Ross- Martha loves her 'international look.'  God Bless looking like a starved twelve year old boy.  Martha will love you.

15.300 for Bross.  It's green.  NBC is so genius.

Ross wants to compete like she trains.  Foot and leg issue on the khorkina transition.  Little issue on the full pirouette on top of the bar.  She is going to London.  15.500 (her score indicates they are taking her no matter what.)

Alicia in the leo where she lost the bronze on vault in Beijing.  Not a fantastic landing on the rudi, but much better body position.  Starting to look like herself again on vault.  15.700

Finnegan- Rumored to be injured.  Looked bad on vault all week.  Will she be the first alternate?  GAGE never has girls with amplitude on their releases.  They know to fear for their lives and grip that bar.  They also have girls who sometimes do dismounts too close to the bar (Amanda Stroud) and that dismount really creates a weak overall impression.

Elizabeth Price- the Kim Kelly on 2012.  Arguably a better Amanar than Maroney.  Certainly a better landing.

Nastia on bars.  This is fear.  First shot of her bar routine from VISAs.  Valeri looked to be spotting her heavily again this week and even looked to be aiding her on her giants.  The routine has looked much better.  Will it be good enough?  Nastia has to push her way onto the team.  Gorgeous pirouettes.  Nice pak salto.  No way on top of the bar.  Falls on the double front.  It was going so well.  It is over.  The work was so beautiful.  The improvements were all there.

Wieber- Sturdy Amanar.  Still lands with a locked leg.  Same mistakes as the 2009 American Cup.

Nastia fucks up bars and now we have to watch a Shawn Johnson commercial.  This is when you need a drink.

And we go to swimming.  No Anna Li on bars.  This is a semi final.  NBC is building up this rivalry to milk it for all it is worth.  Tough for gymnastics fans, but smart for their Olympic broadcast buzz.

14.05 for Liukin.  15.9 for Wieber.  15.95 for Price on vault.

BTW Sacramone almost stuck a DTY and they didn't show it.  And they show us Nastia's bars again.  Nastia is looking too happy.  It almost looked like she was speaking to Bross.

NBC may show us Anna Li after all.  Now Nastia looks like she has been crying according to my mother.  She was not enjoying those tears.

Gabby Douglas...Gabby may show us her happy dance on the floor.  Problems for Gabby on the high bar.  Was just telling mother how she is a head case.  That is why Martha is full of shit when she calls it the best bar routine in the world.  Shot of Shawn cheering her own.  Shawn knows how to play to the camera.  This must be a very good rotation in Shawn's life.

In case you were wondering, Anna Li nailed a bar routine while they showed us shots of Wieber and Nastia.  That sums up her Olympic chances.

Thank God I did yoga tonight.  Feel the flow.  Find your point of intelligence.  Find your inner shanti.  Exhale.

Bridget Sloan injured her elbow during warm ups tonight.  Not good.  They need her to be healthy at Florida and elbow injuries are a disaster.  Rhonda really needs her on bars to beat the political powers of the other schools.  Sloan wasn't going to make it, but her comeback has been a valiant effort and great to see after so many years of injuries.  It is a real shame.

And NBC talks about Sloan's injury.  Let's pray that her injury is just a sprain.

Raisman- thank god they talk through this about Sloan to distract us.  Fuck all of our lives if Aly ever has to do bars in a team final.  Thank God Maroney is equally "special" on bars, as there is no reason she should ever do it in prelims otherwise.

Ross- I just want her to be more Asian.  I need the inner Yang Bo to come out.  She teases us by almost having the qualities.  She is the diet coke of Asian on beam.  Nice flexibility.  Zero flair.  This is solid (minus a wobble on the side somi), but a snooze.  Missed connected on a punch front+sheep jump.  Stuck round off+double tuck dismount.  Martha is going to train her ass off on beam.

Finnegan- is in the pretty group.  I love that USAG believes in segregated restaurants and rotation groups.  Let's see how this Humphrey turn is.  Elfi, I judge you for loving that skill, but it is infinitely better than anything Terin ever did.  I love the see that Sarah just corrected herself mid arabian+korbut connection.  That is talent and skill.  Swings her arms on a front aerial.  These are nerves due to being a little rushed in her preparation.  She is a classic case of being six to eight months too rushed for an Olympic Team.  If she continues to train, she could be a World Team member.  She is infinitely better than Ivana Hong ever was.

Jordyn Wieber...in the group that views bars as a giant pull up contest.  Is she our Kim Zmeskal of 1992?  Muscles up the Weiler Kip.  I must say, she is wearing one of my favorite leotards.  Rock the red, girl.  Nice full twisting double layout dismount, but they should deduct for piking it down a tad.  It may be smarter to stick with her clean stuck double layout.

Nastia on beam.  Looked like she lost balance on the floor before she mounted.  Here we go.  Lovely series.  She is the class of this field. Best she has done the new connection all year.  This is ace work.  Look at the hands, the wrists, the finesse.  Saved her turn sequence.  Nice side somi.  Slight hint of a possible wobble on the side aerial.  Misses the switch ring, which looked improved in training.  Won't get credit.  Hop on the dismount.  Her routine looked deflated.  There was a calmness that looked like it was because she knew it was over.  The switch ring lacked the attack we saw in training.  It needs to be extremely aggressive to attain the proper position.  Nastia needs to just end her career the best way possible on Night 2.


Wieber fluff.  That was cute.  She loves pink too.

Maroney on bars.  She may be worse than Raisman, but at least she doesn't look gross.  That Maloney was ridiculously off.  Huge geinger.  Now, Elizabeth Price will hit bars and floor and the buzz will start that Price is another Kim Kelly getting screwed because she does not look like an eleven-year-old Soviet named Anastasia Grishina.

Sabrina Vega on beam.  Where does she fit in?  In the stands.   Elfi, Teodora Ungureanu was not a lead off.  She was fifth in the lineup.  You would've been lucky to be that lead off.  One has to wonder if Sabrina could've gone further with another coach.  The girl is mentally is physically talented.  Why does one aim to be an alternate?  It is because Teodora knows how one of these girls is going down after a week and a half with Martha.

Gabby Douglas on beam.  Will she be a lock after two days of competition?  I love that her family color coordinates with her leotard.  Money shot of Gabby on beam in a hideous leotard.  She really is the Dawes of this quad.  Thank goodness she isn't do a Yurchenko 1 1/2, but I can't help but notice that she is ending on vault tonight.  Hopefully, she won't be in the lead.  Leg up on the aerial.  Missed connection.  Back full solid.  leap to back pike solid, but the leap is not great.  Weak switch 1/2 and shouldn't get credit for connection to back tuck, but solid.  Switch ring.  Dismount stuck like Kristie Phillips...nose to the knees!  That is good for Gabby, but not great.  Hug from Nastia who looks like she is feeling like the rest of us right now.  14.900

I love what a fabulous black woman's Gabby's mother is.  Her body language during her cheering is an Oprah level of fabulousness.  Imagine if she nailed the routine.

Bross...off on the arabian.  Valeri won't even have an alternate.  This is a rough routine.  And a fall on the double arabian dismount.  Both legs locked.  That was disastrous.

It is nice to see Jordyn congratulate the other girls mid rotation.  It was extremely classy of her to congratulate Gabby on her bar routine at Nationals and appear genuine about it.


There is not enough coffee to perk me up.  I want to eat my feelings.  I feel like Sveta after her vault in Sydney.

I love that NBC comes back to show us the standings and go to commercial again.  They could clearly show it in another ninety seconds when they come back.  It is so NBC.  Just go fire Ann Curry and do another fashion segment with Savannah.

Anna Li split the beam on her series and scored a 13.100, not that she exists to Martha or NBC.

Aly's hair is much less offensive than usual.  I want to sit on her feet to attain a real point.  Those coaches who stretch kids past the point of tears are doing them a favor.  This is what happens when Americans try to be warm and fuzzy about life.  One balance break that should be .3 off.  Slow connection in the routine, but made it.  She looks about as beautiful as most athletes that Martha is responsible for.  Frankly, I wonder if Hillary Grivich was discussed like this in her competitive day, before we looked back after the tragedy and claimed she was robbed.

For those who are wondering, Kim Kelly is watching these Trials and still talking about 1992 via her Facebook statuses.  She was NOT having Chari Knight Hunter defending Martha.

Sarah Finnegan- precise Piked Double Arabian (I hate a new name for every variation of a root skill...a triple lutz and a double lutz don't need different names, neither should a tucked vs. piked double arabian.)  Token Armine poses.  Lovely double arabian.  No leaps out of these passes.  Armine must not know how to read.  The code is lost on her.  Sarah missed her hand mid her 1 1/2 through to 2 1/2 and nearly fell on the 2 1/2.  Steve Rybacki looks like he did whenever Vanessa did bars.  She is not going to be the first alternate.

14.950 for Aly on beam.

Alicia on beam.  No Beijing money shot.  DOES THE MOUNT CONNECTION.  OMFG.  We have seen it ALL!  Wobble on the punch front (.3- her hips turned) and lost connection to her series.  This is day one trials pressure.  Stuck piked front.  I love that she is doing a sheep jump, but she wobbles.  It changes her bull dozer look on beam.  Tries to land her dismount like Boginskaya, but doesn't stick it like the goddess.

Price hit bars with a hop on the dismount.  Not shown on NBC.  It is best that her routines don't make the broadcast in case they need to outright cheat to get Maroney on the team.  They should let her do as many floor routines as they let Michelle Campi do at the private selection camp in '92.

Word to Kerri Strug...people care about you once every four years.  Get a good haircut, a makeup artist, a cute dress from Saks and stop looking so damn homely.

Vega.  Her choreography is all about the hip roll.  That piked full in was not pretty and neither was the out of bounds landing.  Unlike the other gymnasts, she actually appears to have a personality.  Teodora will likely blame her not making the team on laziness.  Her gymnastics has such a light lovely quality when she nails it.  She has the best 2 12+front layout ever seen by an American.  Her front layout rises.  Not enough from Vega.  Tim says she looks relaxed.  It is easy to look relaxed when your chance is over.  Teodora looks like hell.  Karma.

Wieber-  Solid thus far, but Tim is all over her connections.  He is all about pointing out missed connections on both sides of the skills on three element combinations.  Her switch side continues to lead to a wobble.  Elfi is all about her workouts.  This routine simply has poor construction.  Her old routine was better.  Near stuck on the dismount and shot of her hot brother.  He is officially my favorite member of the Wieber family.  If she loses the Olympics due to beam, blame the Gedderts and this questionable routine design.  Jordyn went for the stick and was slightly short and fought and only took a small hop.  She also dropped her shoulder on a leap, nearly could've fallen and still hit a connection.  That is being sharp mentally.

Gabby- This music is so heinous it is growing on me.  I think back to Gabby talking about getting in your groove and doin yo floor routine for yo fans and yo family.  Good to see some smiles from her.  It has not been a great day thus far, but this mess of a routine is a bright spot.  Gabby needs to relax and not focus on winning.  If she lets it happen, it will.  She is going to London.  Nice job.

Kudos to Chevy for having a Midwestern actress in their hybrid commercial in honor of the Wieber family and Jordyn's brother with hair who makes him look like one of us.

I haven't felt like this since Michelle Kwan did a 2 1/2 toe loop at Marshall's.

I totally forgot that we haven't seen Kyla Ross' Phantom of the Opera on floor yet.  I am always forgetting her!  Is she taller than VISAs?  Nice double arabian+stag jump.  Near stick on the full in.  This music makes me wish we were watching Marlie.  How long until Sochi?  Too long.  This routine exemplifies why gymnastics is skating's trashy guido cousin.  Sky high double tuck dismount, but she is not a Karolyi B gymnast from 1988.  Tina Snowden, much?


A friend just texted me what Gabby's floor routine would be if Abby Lee Miller were in charge:


Maroney fell on beam.  Good for NBC not to show that either.  USAG is kissing David Michaels right now.

The white board!  NBC doesn't even put Bross as a possibility for the team.  Elfi tosses Nastia aside.  NBC is mentioning we could see Elizabeth Price.  Maroney needs to hit this floor routine.

"Tim needs to stop pretended he would have been anywhere but last in Seoul."- Margaret Thatcher

Nice double double from Ebee Price!  Near stuck double layout.  This is not good for Michelle Campi Maroney.  1 1/2 through to double tuck.  Solid.  This routine has nothing to do with its generic gymnastics floor routine music.  This mid tempo pieces are truly dreadful.  Solid double pike.  Donna Strauss is thrilled.  Will she be when they name the team?  Donna Strauss is living for Michelle Campi Maroney's falls.  Bill Strauss is constantly crying.  That shot of Bill will be replayed when they fuck Ebee over.  14.900

"Wow, a Parkette who is ugly and can tumble.  Imagine that."- Margaret Thatcher

Kudos to gymnastics scoring for being so special that a good score on one event is horrific on another.

Wieber- Steady routine for Jordyn.  On the second pass, she needs to really fly on the stag jump connected to the triple full.  She is in such top form.  Out of bounds (almost? ignored?) on her leap connected to the 2 1/2 twist.  Geza would love to redo this routine for Jordyn.  It needs to low brow flash.  Shot of a Dance Mom up top. 15.400.

I love that the men always get an extra day to announce the team, like they're the Sandusky jury pretending to have to deliberate.

Gabby on vault.  Still in second place.  Small step forward on the vault.  Only a small knee bend at the end of the vault.  Very good.  She is twisting on the horse.  15.800.

"Go baby!"-Margaret Thatcher

Michelle Campi Maroney- Another shot of her floor fall from Nationals!  Nice 3 1/2.  Nice second pass (2 1/2+front layout full)  Time to sell it as we white knuckle the third pass.  She needs to hit this so they can cheat with her score.  In bounds!  Nice double pike with a tiny step!  God Bless.  15.200 for Maroney.  It doesn't matter if they have scores or not, the judges do what Martha wants.

And Ross sits an Amanar!  Martha looks disgusted wit her blank stare.  I swear Kyla was shorter three weeks ago.  It was obviously going to sit from the horse.

Raisman- what a routine to end this dreadful night with. And Raisman lands her first pass out of bounds.  Second pass solid.  Solid triple full.  Double Pike+huge leap.  Girlfriend is pissed about the first pass.  15.600...what...are Chelle Stack and Kristie Phillips on the judging panel?!

Wieber with Mandrea.  Jordyn has been working so hard to improve.  Love the worthless gymnast interviews with NBC's ''talent.''  Mandrea needs some dental work before London.

"Andrea Joyce looks like a 90 year old tennis player."- Margaret Thatcher

And night one ends.  Time for seven shots.