Make It Or Break It: The Finale

As you know, it has taken me quite a while to get to writing my Make It Or Break It finale review. There are two reasons for this. First, I've been extremely busy. More importantly, I can't get over the amount of shame I felt watching the finale. I judge myself for wasting brain cells on this show. I just can't.

Sasha wasn't allowed to coach the girls at World Trials since Payson kissed him, so his father (Bela Karolyi) stepped in to coach the girls. It is amazing how Sasha is British but his father is Romanian. Bela's appearance was part of his new image where he is always positive and motivating. He would NEVER tell Domi "that was no good."

Unfortunately, Mrs. Kmetko is not a stripper. She is a bar tender at a strip club and Damon found her. She told him all about Emily's legal problems. His estranged father happens to be a lawyer who was willing to help out an amazing girl like herself until Ellen Beals told them to throw the book at her. Ellen had commandeered the rock and it was seen coming from a while away. Whatever. Eventually the girls all made the "Worlds' Team" (cringe worthy name, I realize) and Sasha skipped out of town.

Now that crap is out of the way, here is what I'd like to discuss:

1. Lauren is the worst actress of all time. The actress playing her tweets that she has all of these film roles and I'm becoming convinced that all of these girls (minus Kaylie) slept with someone to be cast. Surely there are theatre majors capable of better performances than these clowns.

2. Lauren hated her mother for abandoning her and was upset before her bar routine, only to find out that her father kept them apart. She suddenly has another bipolar episode (this time manic) and nails a bar routine in tribute to her beloved mother. If that didn't make me roll my eyes a full 360... Gag me. No, kill me. No, just let me puke up last night's dinner (this is a gymnastics show after all.)

3. My personal highlight from the show was when Kaylie's boy toy sensed that she was obviously going to faint from anorexia, so he ran down from the stands and caught her as she collapsed on beam. It was heaven. Videos of her faint will fill my blog for years to come.

4. There was no mention of Kelly Parker's absence (she's filming Mean Girls 2) despite being subjected to her hairdo for two seasons. Somehow, I almost missed her. Again, I don't know how she managed to be cast in another project.

5. Emily was handcuffed in her leotard. Somewhere, Tonya Harding was laughing that even that shit never happened to her.

6. As suspected, DJ Tanner was hungry for Sasha's D. She was willing to give up her born-again virginity in his sexy trailer. He stopped her and we are kept from seeing him in his skivvies yet again! DJ cried about the whole thing in church and thinks God told her to get back with Steve Tanner. You can't make this shit up. Is some cynical gay Jew who writes this show secretly trying to mock her?!

7. Payson somehow managed to make the "Worlds Team" by barging in and doing her Swan Lake floor routine. Her only tumbling was a front aerial. Yet they named her to the team. If you don't see the series ending with them all coming together and "winning as a team because it means more," you need to be bitchslapped into reality.

8. Am I the only one who felt my brain rotting during the episode?

9. It is going to take a long time for me to miss this shit.

10. I can't wait to see how they butcher the World Championships.