Tuesday, September 21, 2010

DWTS: The Ball Is Mine

Excuse me, can I please talk to you for a minute? I just want to know...do you know somebody named? Oh definitely, I know his name. Well I just wanna let you know that he's mine...

We have a black diva in our midst! Holy hair extensions Ms. Brandy and her potty mouth are here to stay! She brought such excitement to the night and the producers were genius by casting her with the temperamental Russian Jewish bad boy.

That said, the night belonged to my beloved Derek Hough and the dancer who looks like Jennifer Grey if you squint hard enough. Way for the producers to cause an emotional breakdown, but it even caused the Ice Queen (Carrie Ann Inaba) to melt during night one. Baby is back and going to take this one. I love Derek, I love her and they're going straight to the top. The producers wouldn't have it any other way!

Mark Ballas said it best when he said "Bristol is only in the public eye because of her mother." Bristol tried to whine about the tabloids that she herself sold stories to and then brought up her mother and Levi (wasn't she engaged to him last week?) Sadly, Sarah didn't make a cameo. It devastated me, because time is running out. I worry that she will not be here next week as much as I worry that she might hook up with The Situation given her *stellar* taste in men. Let's put it this way...Bristol has about as much business being a dancer as her mother does being President.

Cheryl Burke is back in action and has lost weight. That killer bod is back and the producers found yet another strapping African-American man to pair her with and eventually insinuate a romantic connection with. At least we know that Cheryl goes for the dark meat! Evan Lysacek and his fag hag were in the audience to cheer her on.

As for David Hasselhoff..."it is never too early to panic."

Karina Smirnoff is back from timeout and has never looked better. Unfortunately, she's with the Situation whose charisma has a limited shelf life. Carrie Ann already declared the '80s dance moves over, which limits his bag of tricks considerably.

It has only taken forever, but Lacey finally has a good partner.

It is good that Margaret Cho brought the impression of her mother for episode one, because she may not have another week left in her. My mother wondered aloud, "Why do they always give that little gay guy girls who are so much bigger than him?!"

Florence Henderson brought her inner sex pot, but it didn't work on Mr. Brady and it is unlikely to work on the public for much longer.

It is a good thing that my mother sees Michael Bolton in concert every year, because he is not going to be on DWTS much longer.

WHO will go tonight?!


  1. "Does have any business being a dancer?" Does Margaret Cho? Does David Hasselhoff? No. But I don't see you dumping all over them. She could have been Martha Graham and you still would have found a way to criticize her.

  2. Lacey is my least favorite dancer. I hated her for the last 3 years. I do not hate her any more because I will not watch her. She basically looked like an over stuffed sausage. I loved how she so unconvincingly played the scared innocent mormon virgin. She did not play it well. {even she was not convinced} she plays the trailer trash hoe well, but it is clearly natural.

  3. I hate Lacey too. Her busted blonde budgetel extensions are screaming dollar store to me, and why don't you take a break from frothing at the mouth about the Palins- everytime I read someone's dumb comment about how bad S. Palin would be at Pres. or even V.P., I have to ask: As compared to what we have now??! Please. And Bristol was steller compared to the Hoff and Margaret Cho and Michael Bolton.

  4. Anon, let me guess which "News" Channel you frequent.

    Regardless, it is true: Bristol is not a star. She's the daughter of a failed vice presidential candidate. She's done absolutely zero, outside of getting porked by Levi, to be famous.

  5. Who knows...Bristol isn't a star for sure but she'll unfortunately last...(hope I'm wrong). She will have votes from the people who amazingly follow her mother.

  6. I knew that Jennifer Grey would play the sympathy card--it was sickening, especially since she and Patrick Swayze were reported to not have got along during the filming of Dirty Dancing.

    I thought Bristol "Pillsbury Dough Girl" Palin would be a good dancer--I figured she'd already mastered the horizontal mambo, but alas, there is room for much improvement. The "virgin territory" comment from Bruno was priceless.

    Rick Fox is hotter than I remembered him to be and I really have a soft spot for Corey in the House. He really tried to sell it good. I hope Margaret Cho stays on for at least a few more weeks.

  7. anyone else think Jennifer Grey and Shannon Miller had the same surgeon? They look awfully alike suddenly... just sayin'...

    all things aside JG did a great job...

  8. It's always annoyed me that Tom DeLay, Steve Wozniak and Buzz Aldrin can dance with a 20something and no one bats an eyelash but of course Florence Henderson and Cloris Leachmen can't dance with half their age, they have to dance with Corky.

  9. Jennifer Grey is a big ol' drama mama. She's practicing just fine, but then has to burst into tears at the thought of Patrick, conveniently for the cameras. The star of DIRTY DANCING is a great dancer? Gosh, didn't see that coming!

    I'm rooting for Kyle Massey. That kid was great!

  10. What is up with Lacey and that hair? I am glad to see her back, she's a great dancer, but doesn't she know that Chelsea took over the Julianne Hough franchise? Lacey does not look good as a blonde. Please! dye it back.
    And Jennifer did a great Viennese- but I didn't believe those crocodile tears for a second.

  11. I am hoping that Lacey tears her achilles and ends her career. She has a better career ahead of her in porn.

  12. Lacey went to hair school and at one point was a "hair model", and has frequently changed her hairstyles and put in new weaves. I think it's just an obsession with hair rather than her trying to be all trailer trash.

  13. I'm late to the party, but WTF is with Lacey's hair? When she was on SYTYCD, she was far from my favorite dancer and I thought she got a lot of votes because of her brother's fans. With that being said, I at least respected her dancing. Now, I can't even watch it for being nauseated by her hair. Like seriously. WTF?

    Also, Jennifer Grey was way hotter back in 87. She's, like, 99% plastic now. Sad. The nose was even cute in its own way. Too bad she didn't realize that.