Excuse me, can I please talk to you for a minute? I just want to know...do you know somebody named? Oh definitely, I know his name. Well I just wanna let you know that he's mine...
We have a black diva in our midst! Holy hair extensions Ms. Brandy and her potty mouth are here to stay! She brought such excitement to the night and the producers were genius by casting her with the temperamental Russian Jewish bad boy.
That said, the night belonged to my beloved Derek Hough and the dancer who looks like Jennifer Grey if you squint hard enough. Way for the producers to cause an emotional breakdown, but it even caused the Ice Queen (Carrie Ann Inaba) to melt during night one. Baby is back and going to take this one. I love Derek, I love her and they're going straight to the top. The producers wouldn't have it any other way!
Mark Ballas said it best when he said "Bristol is only in the public eye because of her mother." Bristol tried to whine about the tabloids that she herself sold stories to and then brought up her mother and Levi (wasn't she engaged to him last week?) Sadly, Sarah didn't make a cameo. It devastated me, because time is running out. I worry that she will not be here next week as much as I worry that she might hook up with The Situation given her *stellar* taste in men. Let's put it this way...Bristol has about as much business being a dancer as her mother does being President.
Cheryl Burke is back in action and has lost weight. That killer bod is back and the producers found yet another strapping African-American man to pair her with and eventually insinuate a romantic connection with. At least we know that Cheryl goes for the dark meat! Evan Lysacek and his fag hag were in the audience to cheer her on.
As for David Hasselhoff..."it is never too early to panic."
Karina Smirnoff is back from timeout and has never looked better. Unfortunately, she's with the Situation whose charisma has a limited shelf life. Carrie Ann already declared the '80s dance moves over, which limits his bag of tricks considerably.
It has only taken forever, but Lacey finally has a good partner.
It is good that Margaret Cho brought the impression of her mother for episode one, because she may not have another week left in her. My mother wondered aloud, "Why do they always give that little gay guy girls who are so much bigger than him?!"
Florence Henderson brought her inner sex pot, but it didn't work on Mr. Brady and it is unlikely to work on the public for much longer.
It is a good thing that my mother sees Michael Bolton in concert every year, because he is not going to be on DWTS much longer.
WHO will go tonight?!