Friday, August 10, 2012

The Return of Evan Lysacek

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We knew this was coming. Like termites, Cher and a good case of the clap, we will never be rid of  Evan Lysacek. Frankly, it isn't surprising...we knew he was training and that things were getting serious when he hired Shep Goldberg to be his agent and sort out his issues with the USFSA. We knew the Johnny-USFSA love affair could not last. He could not truly be their golden boy. (Note that Mr. Lysacek has already been given Skate America.)

The thing about Evan is that he trains. He trains really hard. These two years have likely saved his body, but he will absolutely need the quad he claims to have. It needs to be rotated.

Jeremy Abbott and Adam Rippon have not performed at an acceptable level internationally. The American men have become on par with the Canadian ladies who celebrate top ten finishes and dream of earning a spot in the final warm up. Now, these boys can go back to being the skaters we enjoy because we expect nothing from them. Without having to rely on Jeremy to bring home a medal, we can enjoy his wonderful edges and experimental programs.

Evan and Johnny are two consistent skaters. Evan has the ability to challenge for titles due to his consistency, components and ability to soak every little point out of every single little element in his program. His speed and strength are enough for the judges to overlook the windmill arms that have plagued his skating for years.

Lysacek truly is the gift that keeps on giving. Between his hot body, horrible interview personality, on-and-off relationship with Nastia and other emaciated breastless blondes and new WTF relationship with Vera Wang, he is going to energize the sport and keep us entertained. The costume choices will certainly bring back the black while adorning it with feathers and glittered phallic symbols. In the mean time, Evan will hold the Americans over until Joshua Farris and Max Aaron are ready to dominate...and the rare hope that Jason Brown may one day land a triple axel.  If we want any skaters we actually enjoy to be in Sochi, we need to use the giant tool to get us that third spot back. Oh Evan, we've almost missed you.


  1. "WTF relationship with Vera Wang" LOL. Thank you for making my day.

  2. Yessss! I might have to start watching skating again :)

  3. Didn't Evan only get his triple axel at 18? I'm lighting many candles for Jason Brown.

  4. Creepily, in that picture Evan looks like a young Steve Jobs.

    I like Johnny's skating better than Evan's. Evan plays for points, Johnny plays for cheers. And Johnny has a cuter tush; Evan has none (which I find hard to believe in a skater).

    I hope they both do very very well.

    1. No tush??? Honey, you've been looking at the wrong pictures...

  5. I doubt he will need a quad. He didn't need one to win the Olympics in 2010.

  6. "I doubt he will need a quad. He didn't need one to win the Olympics in 2010."

    Things have changed since 2010. Unless the rest of the field implodes, he will need it.

  7. Great name Starfish hands! Maybe the quad has become like a 3A and is totally mandatory maybe it is still an extra wow move.

  8. I saw a new program of Evans around 4 months ago (?)on youtube from some skating show and was shocked, really, that it seemed quite a bit better than the tediousness he'd been cranking out while still competing.

    So here's hoping the old dog can learn some new tricks and actually perform with some genuine emotional conviction. For all that I prefer Johnny overall, I prefer Evan to monumentally overrated Patrick Chan and Plushenko (not that these guys could not win me over if they could learn to hear their music).

    The one thing that disturbs me about Johnny - he gives no indication of understanding how mediocre his 2010 programs were. Glad he's working on transitions though, and pray he gets that quad.

  9. Evan's HOT BODY? He's built like a Dachau survivor.

  10. Evan and the fact that Chan check quads off like they are doubles is the reason why quads are necessary. So I'm assuming he has one consistently or stay home.

    I agree we can't get rid of Evan and Sarah and her articles..eek. I just don't like Evan's wailing all over the's like now who cares if he's consistent.

  11. oh noooooo! hope USFA doesn't play favorites again.... ugh.. i'm all for Yuzuru!

  12. Silly Evan, you have to make the team first. Don't be so sure you'll make it. You are a greedy man Evan.