Friday, December 7, 2012

The GPF: Men and Pairs

The men's field at the GPF proved to be a mini Japanese nationals with four qualifying entries (with a fifth who won a GP event). Takahashi proved his mettle by leading the event with a clean short program.

The program is highlighted with flowing transitions including an incredibly difficult triple axel entrance and high flying footwork. Takahashi is looking the strongest he has all season. However, while Takahashi's program is energetic and infused with difficulty, his style is becoming one dimensional. While we admire his ability to venture out and try different styles, his own style within the music appears to be on one level throughout. His skating is like a Fourth of July fireworks need to slow it down and add some "God Bless America" for good measure. While the judges did not agree with PCS nearing the 9s, he did not surpass Chan in that department.

Chan's skating is looking the best it ever has. His programs this season are true performances where he presents a clear emotion, a consistent theme and flowing artistry. But one question--who is teaching him to jump? His overbearing mother? Obviously not his modern dance coach who probably just learned the difference between a salchow and a lutz. Maybe he snuggles up in bed with his girlfriend (his coach's daughter) and they watch dartfish together. Call it foreplay. How cute. Ironically, he lands a beautiful quad and triple axel, but falters on the triple lutz. More bed dartfish for him.

Yuzuru Hanyu is as cute as a tamagotchi and jumps like a black cat in the dusk of night. We know the Japanese frenzy is plotting a romance between Mao and Yuzuru just like they did with Mao and Buttle. This time Mao is the cougar and they can pose publicity stunts on the sidewalk like Taylor Swift and Harry Styles. His short program is a great vehicle for him (an understatement considering his world record holding program), but no cigar this time around with a fall on a triple toe. Poor tamagotchi. 

Javier Fernandez has all the talent in the world, but just take a good look at Tonya Harding--she exemplified that chain smoking combined with asthma actually aren't beneficial for skating. Who knew.  With horrendous spins for his level of talent, Fernandez will need to up the ante from here on out if he wants a chance at a world medal. When his usually consistent quad fails him, the rest of the performance becomes flat with nothing else to lean on. More Tracy Wilson stroking drills for him, please. 

In the pairs short program, it was all about Mother Russia. Volosozhar and Trankov's mustache skated a clean program to "Hitler's Last Dance."

Diva Vera and her tall partner exemplify Russian skating at its finest--romanticism, razor-thin female with the ability to be thrown around like a rag doll, and displaying amazing lifts and throws. With more chemistry, this team could be the first pairs team in a while to make our hearts swell again. 

Pang and Tong are fantastic...for skating at ages 72 and 74 respectively. Poor Qing has not seen a bowl of rice since 2001. Let's pray to God that China will let them retire after 2014 so they can have their very own on-ice wedding like Shen & Zhao. 


  1. I can't wait for your review of the ladies short. Wagner is giving full on menstruating lesbian fierceness. Can she hold of a pair or cross-eyed geishas?

  2. It's amazing how Trankov can jump so well considering he is probably hung like a horse. Gosh he is so hot! Please do porn after Sochi.

  3. I just realized something ... the leaders after the short are Volosozhar and Trankov, arent their first names the same first names as Totmianina and Marnin? (Tatiana and Maxim)

  4. Although the Canadian Channatics who were throwing rose petals at him while he skated like a robot and fell all the time will never fail to annoy me - I DO have to say that Chan has been the biggest pleasant surprise for me this season. To be honest I thought a sense of musicality was inborn and not something that could be learned, but if Chan isn't 100% innately musical now he does a great job selling it, and I really have thoroughly enjoyed his programs - so kudos to him for not doing the easy thing and staying with a 'proven' formula and becoming a really well-rounded performer.

    I don't see how you can blame his current coach for his falling AJ, he had been falling all these years anyway.

    I see what you mean about Dai. I still love him cause there just is nobody else like him and I admire his kind of goofy reckless abandon - but this SP is not his best. Unlike some others I DO like his LP and think he is stretching himself with it - BUT all the initial set-ups for the big jumps is kind of...lame. I tend to want to blame Morosov for these problems but hey, AFAIK - it was Takahahsi's decision to return to him so...

    Hanyu just is cute as a button and I really like how he incorporates his fluid lankiness into his skating instead of trying to impose a cookie-cutter style on himself. If only more skaters did the same. Hope he figures out a strategy to deal with the asthma in the LP. As for the shipping aspect - it would be nice to shake up the east asian world with a little Chinese/Japanese Romeo/Juliet shipping between Hanyu and Li Zijun - the world could explode from all the resulting cuteness.

    Man, I'm sorry but pairs this season - ugh. I miss Takahashi and Tran. I might miss S/S if it were not for the vomit-worthy costumes and lousy programs seen earlier this year.