Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Make It Or Break It: Coach of the Year

Mr. Tanner wants Sasha Belov out of the Rock and he's absolutely right. Belov is an awful coach. That is if you can even call him a coach. When is the last time you saw him spotting or teaching a skill? Payson is killing herself on vault, yet she isn't being spotted. Nor is she even vaulting into the pit. See, Sasha is always in his offices lusting after his virgin bride and thinking up new inspirational speeches that the girls will disregard immediately.

Sasha Belov is a doormat. He isn't even worthy of being from Bed, Bath & Beyond. As a coach, he's from the clearance rack at Walmart. Sasha is an Olympian and knows what it takes to make a team, yet he pisses off the National Staff. As a supposed European, one would think he would know that you don't piss off the powerful. He leads the girls in the Johnny Weir school of famewhoring, yet we all saw where that got him in Vancouver.

How many times did the six pack ever disrespect Bela Karolyi? How many of them lived to chalk up in his gym another day? By having no authority, Sasha lacks credibility. In the real world, the girls would have left his sorry ass a long time ago. Mr. Tanner wouldn't wait to find another coach, he'd move his daughter to Denver and be done with it. Kaylie's mother would do the right thing and keep banging Marty.

Even Payson, the insufferable goodie two shoes, is flipping Sasha the bird and petitioning onto the team even though everyone knows she isn't ready. We can only hope the NGO does the right thing and tells her ''you'd make an excellent college gymnast."

There are never any lasting consequences on this show. Payson broke her back, but a miraculous experimental surgery healed it. Unfortunately, she has grown an inch and is devastated. According to her mother, her breasts grew too. Mrs. Keeler left out her growing a third ass.

Emily Kmetko is having financial problems again, but doesn't want her mother taking any of Mr. Tanner's money. Somehow Emily managed to become an elite gymnast from swinging on a playground. She is by far the dumbest of the group and always has lines such as ''Do you think Sasha might not be right?" "What about my scholarship?" Oh girl, you need to look out for yourself a little more and stop focusing on how 'amazing' everything is. The National Staff doesn't even take her seriously, yet they're taking her to France.

Lauren whines about Kaylie being spoiled and having everything handed to her, yet she implored her father to buy her onto the team competing in France. See, some people might have gotten the idea that Lauren is now third at the Rock, but it's only because she hurt her ankle. Oh Lo, third at the Rock doesn't mean shit internationally. Truth is, Lauren cares way more about boys, sex, drama and shopping. Even Carter tells her that she is more competitive off the mats than she is on them.

Oh Carter, he's so dreamy. On what planet are all of the male gymnasts long, lean and toned? Where are the Jonathan Horton's? The gorillas seem to be back where they belong in the cages at the Bronx Zoo. Someone finally picked Lauren over Kaylie, but did he really? Carter subtly gave Lauren the kiss of death when he asked her 'Why do we have to label things?' Ouch! He also slipped and said that they were sleeping together before he mentioned them being in a relationship together. Lauren keeps putting out, yet we know his love lies with Kaylie.

Kaylie looked all glam in her photo shoot, yet her gymnastics is still being performed by the insufferable and fugtastic Ariana Berlin. Her dad didn't know about the girls being suspended from the National Team, yet Kaylie admits he'd go ballistic.

Kaylie is finally going to France being the nation's top ranked gymnast. Yet, it may only be because Kelly Parker is injured and won't be making the trip. Emily is going and Damon is somewhere in Europe touring. Somehow, they'll likely meet up or be in the same place and keep missing each other. Because Europe is really just the size of Boulder.

Maybe the girls will finally win an international meet? It isn't like the French are actually any good.

Catch up on Make It Or Break It on Hulu.


  1. AMAZING...I about died when Payson goes, "Are you going to weigh me?" and then she just gets measured...get real. She's even too big to be a college gymnast, but it's a damn good thing she didn't take that endorsement money now!!

  2. I always feel bad for the actress playing Payson because you just KNOW she gets shit from every direction about how she's too big to be a gymnast (and always has been). I wonder if they actually encouraged her to *gain* weight for this season to fit with the storyline?

  3. dont you like ariana berlin - cool ncaa hiphop floor routine?

  4. Joyce hates Ariana Berlin's dancing and her sloppy form.

    I get annoyed that Lauren's boobs are not a problem but Payson's are. Neither of them look like anything other than retired NCAA gymnasts.

  5. Agreed, MsJess. But what might bother me most is how TALL and OLD Emily always looks. She's gotta be, like, 5'8". Even look at her in this photo compared to Lauren and Kailey.

    Sorry, Emily Kmetko just irritates the crap out of me. Not a fan of the actress, either...wonder why they picked a 30-year-old Amazon to play the role of an elite gymnast?

  6. Payson reminds me of a cross between Shannon Miller in the 94-95 era (growth spurt) and Jana Beiger (worn & tired). Emily reminds me of a beat-up looking Betty Okino. Lauren looks like most NCAA gymnast. They got their actresses right, the show would have been boring if they were all 100 pounds, 5'1", and 14 yrs old.

  7. That comment above about Payson makes sense. That shows so addicting, I don't know why. We talked about that at my gymnastics class, how none of them look like gymnasts other than Kaylie who I think was a cheerleader. Payson is huge and I think the only reason Lauren can pull it off is because she's top heavy. She has boobs but decent-sized, toned legs. Think Alicia Sacramone. Payson on the other hand? Average American does not equal elite gymnast. And her ass hangs out of her leo by far too much.

    You mentioned no spotting and I thought the same thing! For one of her vaults, Sasha stands behind the vault! Oh ok, let me let her crash straight into me! That makes a lot of sense. And I also wondered the same thing with France. Hopefully they edit it better and don't have heavy people being stunt doubles for skinny people like they did with the Chinese team.