Sunday, October 24, 2010

Women's Bars EFs, aka Big Girls Don't Cry - Catty Comments

For Rotterdam bars EFs, medals were for China to lose - their gymnasts have excellent execution and insane start values.


The 2010 world championships is the first one where He Kexin is age-eligible with her pre-2007 birthdate, Jan 1, 1994. Magically her birthday became Jan 1, 1992 when she reached the national team in 2007.




Regardless of age, He is one of the best bars specialists in history. She ensured the Chinese team a gold in Beijing, and captured their only EF gold. She's been held out of the all-around her entire senior career to concentrate on bars, where she never, ever lost.


Until now:



It's hard going first in EFs, and harder since she had evidence of the cray-cray before she mounted. Her eyes were doing the wild pony before saluting.


She'll once again be dominant on bars once she finishes this growth spurt at almost 17 19. Until then, we got to enjoy a wide-open bars final.


The next logical choice was teammate Huang Qiushuang, putting on an insane clinic in code-whoring el-grip pirouettes until she pulled a headcase on a low bar transition.


Next up, Muppet-Face Beth Tweddle, 2006 bars world champion, swinging with abandon all week in training, on a determined mission since falling in bars qualifying last year. In London. She was so pissed that Muppet-Face Beth marched out and won gold on her only other event, fx.


But today, call her FedEx, because bitch delivered:



She even trained double-double dismounts, but didn't need it after He & HQS fell. The other competitors were now gunning for silver.


HBIC shrugged, ignored Beth, and swung for gold. HBIC didn't get it, because she hasn't learned to not throw her teammates under a bus and a step on the dismount, but HBIC wanted. that. gold.


Next, if you're into extreme sports and wipeout montages, then you'll love Elizabeth Seitz's routine. Bitch went out swinging for the rafters, pancaking to the mat from both her Def & her piked Ray. She made me feel like a 1991 high bar final.


Porgras swung a nice routine, as everyone kind of checks out since she swings great bars... for a Romanian. They're the bars short-bus country of Europe. They're like the Sacramone of Europe, or the Raisman of Europe, or Ponor. Tim Dagget was so hyperventilating about Ana that he declared her the best Romanian on bars of all-time. Because Olympic bars champion (and wife of his 1984 Olympic teammate Bart Conner) Nadia Comaneci never existed, nor did Olympic bars & 2-time World Champion Daniela Silivas.


Bridget "wake me when it's worlds" Sloan swung a solid routine, but without her wonky-foot Tkachev and full-twisting double layout, is only rocking a 6.0D score.


Teammate Rebecca "whiter-than-white" Bross politely shoved Sloan from the podium with .2 higher in D & E - how very catty! J'adore. Bross' routine was soooooooo easy & perfectly executed that one starts fantasizing how Valeri will code-whore that baby for 2012. Papa Liukin can you hear me?


Final placements were 1) Muppet Face 2) HBIC 3) Whiter Shade of Whitey White

19 comments:

  1. oh booooooo fucking hoooooo HKX. karma, baby. you got the medal that mattered most by cheating sweetheart, so wipe your eyes and thank your lucky little forged passport stars. might not be your fault, but one day you'll be of ripe enough age to realize that what they did to you fucking sucked and ripped off those that played fair - ripped off those that you owe a hellofalot to. so grip your gold and be thankful. i have zero pity.

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  2. wow, what a patriot we have up there. Can you suggest anyone who can surpass HKX if she hits? B-)

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  3. lol 3:03!

    I love China stans. <3

    No one said anything about her ability. That's completely fucking irrelevant. They said that she's a cheater. And since she is a cheater #1 BY DEFINITION, she did, in fact, rip off those who didn't cheat and thus, #2 one is not inclined to feel much sympathy for her many tears since she already has two titles from competitions she shouldn't even have been at.

    You don't have to be so defensive, bb. People pointing out that China cheats isn't going to return any of their ill-gotten medals.

    Well, at least not for another eight or so years.

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  4. I wonder if He Kexin's signature release work will go the way of the dodo when she's finished growing. She isn't getting enough heigh on the li ya combo anymore.

    You think Kormova is a bitch too? I tend to think so, you don't make a guns and carmen themed fx without having some diva in you and I can't wait for her to join the team of rivals!

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  5. wow your commentary is so funny! Will you do it for other EFs too?

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  6. Way to go, Catty. Love your bitchy rapport you have with these performances (1991 HB final!!!! LOVE IT!).

    As for Kexin, she can suck my nuts. I was happy to see her crying after falling in EF. Everyone has a moment where they don't perform, and Horse Face got the best of you in the end. Tweddle is a fucking Romanian. She only wins when others fail.

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  7. Anonymous at 3.03am, since you ask, He Kexin wouldn't be Olympic champion if Tweddle had hit. For this year, it's hard to say, as Beth has been training upgrades but decided not to compete them.

    Of course, He Kexin has been good when she hit this year, but she's also had a few crap routines. She's been hampered by a growth spurt and injuries. These are things that tend to happen to gymnasts who've been around a while, gymnasts who are actually old enough to be at the senior level. Which is why this was always going to happen. She is losing the ability to hit that great routine as consistently as she needs to.

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  8. You know what people? At the end of the day He Kexin is still cute, and probably cuter than all of you. And Beth Tweddle looks like a horse.

    And He is still the best bar worker in the world.

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  9. Some of you people needs lives. I hope karma gets you.

    Anyone taht cheers for Bross over He is just an alien. Go back to mars

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  10. @ 1:39

    lol and Beth Tweddle is still the 2010 World Bars Champion. And He Kexin is still sobbing into her faked passport.

    And please, bitch, you don't know how cute I am. TBH, He Kexin actually looks like an alien. She's probs the LEAST cute on the Chinese team.

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  11. I'm pretty sure He doesn't care about her 'faked passport'-- she's just upset about losing her bars title. I wouldn't worry though-- Tweddle won't be able to defend it. I simply cannot watch Tweddle on any apparatus-- its those teeth. Have the Brits not heard of dental care?

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  12. I simply cannot watch Tweddle on any apparatus-- its those teeth. Have the Brits not heard of dental care?

    Oh yes, a nice smile is paramount to one's enjoyment of UB. Because it's hard to focus on the choreography and lovely ballet hands otherwise. Bars (and vault) are just the types of events where you can't keep your eyes off a gymnast's face...

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  13. I think He looks like a chipmunk, actually. I sometimes refer to her as the Flying Squirrel. And Beth isn't exactly gifted in the beauty department, but she's a BAMF. Totally deserved that UB title.

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  14. Go, He Kexin! So much bitterness toward the not-so-underaged princess of bars. Gurl, keep 'em haterz fuming and choking. Yes, gurl. YES!

    What a bad bitch He Kexin is. Stealing medals from eligible, albeit inferior, gymnasts. Y'all should just be thankful that the Chinese faked He Kexin's passport, in order to grace us with her brilliance and presence. :hearts:

    Y'all ain't ready for the FIYAH He Kexin is gonna cause in the future. So Hide yo kids, hide yo wives, and hide yer horse teeth because:

    2012 Summer Olympics: London
    Women's Artistic Gymnastics

    He Kexin:

    Team - Gold

    All-Around - Gold (SLAYING reincarnations of Khorkina, Podkopayeva, underaged Silivas and Comaneci, Shushunova, Boginskaya, etc.)

    Vault - Gold (sticks her two vaults, the Dragulescu and the Li Xiaopeng despite the horse being set five centimeters lower)

    Uneven Bars - Gold (debuts new UB combinations: Yamawaki + Rybalko + 1/1 laid-out Jaeger, and Kollman + Bhardwaj)

    Balance Beam - Gold (survives the competition with Yang Bo, Li Shanshan, and Mo Huilan, sitting their bony asses on their dismounts)

    Floor - Gold (to the music of Joe Budden's Fire, absolutely slaughters the field with her combination of balletic dance and insane tumbling passes)

    He Kexin. :worship: :tears: :bigclap:

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  15. I will sacrifice several juniors to the goddess Dudnik to see a WAG Kohlman - Bhardwaj!

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  16. Has a woman ever done a Winkler? Gotta think it would be possible.

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