Monday, March 8, 2010

Make It Or Break It: Finale

Oh. My. Shit.

It is here. The big China meet vs. the Rock.

The episode opened with Mrs. Keeler educating the girls about Chinese manners, as though they were greeting a group of aliens to Earth.

Emily Kmetko: They look like kids.

Apparently Emily missed the 2008 Olympics on TV. Maybe she was busy making pizza?

The Chinese team looked a little French with their yellow berets and haughty attitudes.

Back at the pizza shack, Damon left a note for Emily that she was supposed to get. Carter told him to let it all out. As you could've predicted, the note was intercepted. The note read "I know what you did last summer..." Well actually, Damon won a contest and is now going on a six month European tour even though he has never performed in public...

Meanwhile, Lauren and Carter headed over to Casa Cruz and tried to cover for one another and get Princess Kaylie not to be mad at them. Kaylie wasn't having it, as she likely could've predicted all those times Lauren appeared in Carter's bed naked and waiting...

Back at the Rock, Emily was working on her vault while Leo looked on. Emily bitched about Kaylie skipping the meet because she herself was giving up half her family's income.

Then Mrs. Cruz talked to Sasha, who talked to Mr. Cruz, who met with Kaylie, while Kaylie just happened to be meeting with the National Team Bitch and Mrs. Cruz about whether or not she should do the meet. Clearly none of these people have ever heard of a conference call.

At The Rock, Emily was biting her nails because Kaylie wasn't there.

"I'd feel so much better if Kaylie were here." See, that's a bit of an issue with Emily's mental game. Screw Martha saying the team is the most important. Gymnastics is an individual sport. The US is never going to beat Big Red ever again and Kaylie is just one more person in between Emily and a gold medal and Emily and food stamps.

Payson mentioned that she hadn't even done bars since the accident, which would be about seven months ago.

Kaylie admitted to her parents that the real reason she wasn't competing was because she was afraid of defending her National Title and was dreading the day she had to compete again. See, I TOLD YOU this girl had the Czisny in her. Then Mr. Cruz said something inspiring, all was forgiven and her mind was changed. Kaylie was back in the game, showed up at the Rock and Sasha pushed some bitches out of the lineup so she could compete. Kaylie gave some speech that had me motivated and in tears over its depth about them being a family. It was like when Grace and McCool talk about God to Kat Ding before a big meet. I love how the commentators were able to comment on the girls looking inspired by the speech when they were holed up in the office. I was a bit surprised that Payson wasn't PISSSSSED when Sasha called Kaylie the leader, but ah hell, she's a scared bitch anyways.

"We're more than a team; we're a family. Those girls aren't allowed to have lives, so they don't have the issues we have."

Not true Kaylie. Jiang Yuyuan was LIVID when Xiao Sha stole her lucky scrunchie (and her man.)

The writers of this show may not have ever seen an Olympic event before, because they were handing out medals as the meet went on. Girls had 'won medals,'' they weren't in medal contention. The meet was all weird, as it was a team event, and they appeared to be rotating, but then Lauren and Kaylie were competing at the same time. It was like one of those weird dreams you have where things make sense at the time, but you wake up and go Huhhh? when you try to explain it.

The stunt woman must not know a lot about the sport, because Kaylie mounted with a rudi and ended with a double arabian. Kaylie isn't destined to be a floor anchor at UF like Kytra Hunter, so I'm thinking that was an oversight. Emily randomly threw her "blind landing" and stuck it for a bronze medal. I always knew Kmetko was worthy of the pity medal.

Kaylie actually did "the miller" (the REAL Miller...the one on bars) twice in her routine. Lauren hurt her ankle on her beam dismount like Anna Li at UGA on Saturday night.

Then Sasha put Payson in the lineup in Lauren's place. He didn't even give Lauren the chance to gut out one measly landing on a bum ankle, he had Payson go after she hadn't done a bar routine since August. Somehow, it didn't look like one of Tanella's recent exhibitions. Payson didn't appear to be near death at any moment. Everyone was talking about how they believed in her. "Trust." It was very Bela Karolyi, um,, except it wasn't.

Sasha then had Kaylie throw in a move on beam that he has seen her working on. If she did the move, she could win gold. See, Sasha said he SAW her working on the move. He didn't TEACH her the skill because he is always in his office trying to bone DJ Tanner and never actually does any sort of instruction.

Kaylie did the triple full (only it was really a double) and she won the gold on beam ahead of Lauren. They are ALWAYS shitting on Lauren.

After the meet, the gymnasts went out for pizza (I know, I KNOW...) and Leo gave Emily Damon's note. He told her he hid the note from her in order to avoid any distractions and that he hadn't read it. Somehow, Emily knew that Damon would be on the radio right at the same time that she was reading the note. Damon was and he sang his song for the first time in one of those Seventh Heaven/Second Noah/Early Dawson's Creek moments that made you contemplate taking your own life.

Apparently Emily CHANGED his life, even though he's never actually spent any time with her. Emily really must be amazing in bed based on how the boys fall for her. They've made pizza together, like once.

It reminded me of something Celia said to Silas on Weeds when he claimed to be in love with her daughter, Quinn.

"You don't love her, you stuck your penis in her. There's a difference."

Well, apparently Damon is ga-ga over Emily and Emily decided that breaking the rules and dating him is fine now, so she and Lauren drove to visit him. On the Young and the Restless, whenever there is a car scene or someone is shown horseback riding or swimming in a pool, you know that there will be a car accident or that Jack will have to save young Victoria from drowning. (Of course, Victoria will magically age 30 yrs and they will fuck in the future.)

Unfortunately, Emily was not involved in an automobile accident. She ran off into the station, but it turned out that the show was pre-recorded and that Damon was at the airport.

I was hoping that Rachel would run after Ross or something, but the writers surprised us and made this show worth watching. (Finally, a reason.)

Kaylie Cruz called Carter and left a voicemail that she was in love with him and knew that Lauren was right about him really being in love with her. She told him to come by her room that night. Kaylie seemed to be finally ready to do the nasty with her man and left her window open, like Juliette waiting to do the nasty on the balcony with Romeo.

But then there was a shot of Lauren looking at Carter's bed and crying. Kaylie had taken her gold on beam and her dream man.

Or had she?

Carter ran and pulled Lauren's face into his. They locked lips passionately and the screen went black.

Princess Kaylie is going to be throwing things like a feisty latina on her quince when she finds out about this! (We can only hope that Lauren is really just imagining this and headed for the psych ward.)

To Be Continued this summer...

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