Sunday, April 21, 2013

2013 NCAA Champs EFs Live Blog by @CattyComments

Kittens it's me! Catty Comments! It's the most... longest time... of the year! NCAA event finals with 24 billion vaulters! Let's get started!

All of the lineups, scores & vid links are at the same link they've been at the past two days! Clickety on these words!

We'll get started, and everything has already started! Because it's loooooong, and Catty was gay brunching like a champ.

First of all, how is first vaulter Courtney (who stuck her fty cold and appeared to have good height & form in the air) below second vaulter Courville, who had a stutter on her landing and did not appear to have better dynamics?

I was bummed Morrison for LSU didn't stick her dismount, because she hit the hell out of the rest of the routine. NCAA fun fact for Sarie Morrison: she is the tallest gymnast here today at 6'8", and is on the draft radar for the Knicks as a shooting guard.

For leotard fashionistas, the fleur de lys leo LSU is wearing today is lovely. I'd so have that be the Supah Six leo over the V for Victory I Located Booblandia leo worn yesterday.

1:28pm - Katie Baer on vault for the Bruins. Lovely fty, her usual preflight leg separation, stuck with legs apart. NCAA fun fact for Baer: she was the designated Valkyrie blonde on the team until fellow Indy teammate Peszek arrived, and now she is a soft brown hue.

1:31 - Sloan hits her routine and sticks the landing. Sloan NCAA fun fact: she should incur a leg separation deduction at the bottom of every giant swing. Dickerson on vault for the Chompers sticks the landing, but funky preflight makes me hope she'll be deducted for it.

1:34 - I'm already tired of watching the vaulters equal to the population of Mexico. Sarie Morrison now has to vault 10 milliseconds after dismounting bars. She sticks her fty cold and had a lovely preflight.

1:36 - It's Macko of the Caquatti - hitting the hell out of everything, and takes a step on the landing. Sob. NCAA fun fact: her best chomps are reserved for Caquatti. Millner sadly takes a tiny foot slide on her 1.5Y.

And warming up vault now - the female population of China! The first 7,5 million vaulters are in this ranking:

Vault ResultsTop
1Diandra MillinerAlabama9.9250
1Rheagan CourvilleLSU9.9250
3Olivia CourtneyUCLA9.9167
4Kaelie BaerUCLA9.9083
5Ashanee DickersonFlorida9.9000
5Lindsay MableMinnesota9.9000
7Sarie MorrisonLSU9.8917
8Kaitlyn ClarkAlabama9.8750
9Maliah MathisLSU9.8667
10Joanna SampsonMichigan9.8583
11Kytra HunterFlorida9.8500
12Moriah MartinDenver9.8250
12Alaina JohnsonFlorida9.8250
14Brandie JayGeorgia9.8083
15Chelsea DavisGeorgia

And the two bars competitors are ranked:

Uneven Parallel Bars ResultsTop
1Bridget SloanFlorida9.9000
1Georgia DabritzUtah9.9000
3Mackenzie CaquattoFlorida9.8875
3Erica BrewerOklahoma9.8875
5Sarie MorrisonLSU9.8250
6Nansy DamianovaUtah9.8125

Btw, Dabritz "No Gloves" had cleaner form than Sloan. Imagine what she could do with gloves.

1:44 - And we're back! Spoiler alert - Zam is wearing the 2010 diagonal leo with pastel colors.

1:52 - And we're back! Zam hopped her fty but we still want her to win anyway. Johnson hit a lovely bars set with a lovely tan for the Chompers. NCAA fun fact about Alaina Johnson: back microfractures are healed through tanning.

1:57 - Tori Wilson on vault for Utah, fty, bounces in place. The Ute leos are a puzzle - all shiny, bronze on top & maroon on the bottom. It's a lotta look even for Heidi "Front of my dress? What front of my dress?" Klum.

1:59 - Wong for Nebraska - shows what fty flair is - gorgeous preflight, height, flared the twist and stuck the landing. NCAA fun fact for Wong - humans can indeed have a negative bodyfat percentage!

And your vault winners are Millner and Courville and the SEC! Congratulations!

Vault ResultsTop
1Diandra MillinerAlabama9.9250
1Rheagan CourvilleLSU9.9250
3Olivia CourtneyUCLA9.9167
4Kaelie BaerUCLA9.9083
5Ashanee DickersonFlorida9.9000
5Lindsay MableMinnesota9.9000
5Vanessa ZamarripaUCLA9.9000
8Sarie MorrisonLSU9.8917
8Tory WilsonUtah9.8917
10Emily WongNebraska9.8833
11Kaitlyn ClarkAlabama9.8750
11Lauren BeersAlabama9.8750
13Maliah MathisLSU9.8667
14Joanna SampsonMichigan9.8583
14Nicole DaytonStanford9.8583
16Kytra HunterFlorida9.8500
17Moriah MartinDenver9.8250
17Alaina JohnsonFlorida9.8250
17Lindsey CheekGeorgia9.8250
20Brandie JayGeorgia9.8083
21Madison MooringOklahoma9.7917
22Lichelle WongUCLA9.7833
23Chelsea DavisGeorgia9.7500

And congrats to Alaina Johnson, your double NCAA champion while competing under 5 routines this year!
Uneven Parallel Bars ResultsTop
1Alaina JohnsonFlorida9.9125
2Bridget SloanFlorida9.9000
2Georgia DabritzUtah9.9000
4Mackenzie CaquattoFlorida9.8875
4Erica BrewerOklahoma9.8875
6Chelsea DavisGeorgia9.8500
7Sarie MorrisonLSU9.8250
7Rebecca ClarkOklahoma9.8250
9Nansy DamianovaUtah9.8125
10Randii WyrickLSU9.8000

2:08pm - Marissa King on FX - gorgeous high double layout with a delightful British accent. Gay techno music party time into ridiculously easy fhs, front layout front full. Easy double pike, Chomper nation is thrilled.

2:10pm - World vault champion Williams on beam, just because. Step up mount. Was that a bobble after the front flip. Hits the acro series cold. Gorgeous ro 1.5 with delayed twist as she spots the landing.

2:11pm - It's Sloan time! NCAA fun fact: Bridget thinks this music is Eminem's "Move Yourself." She hits the passes including sticking the last pass cold. Great routine.

2:13 - Backbrace for the Gophers on beam, and nails a gorgeous side aerial layout stepout acro series. Backbrace is impressive in a shiny gold & maroon leotard. Apparently side aerials are her thing, because her dismount is side aerial layout full off the end of the beam.

2:16 - Jacobs fx for Bama - messes up the last pass and has to bend her knees. It's kind of a desperate routine, like if Domi did the Georgia Devil routine right now in the arena.

2:18 - Macko. Fun fact - she makes the rest of the team aside from Sloan look like a wobbly mess with nervs of steel.

2:19 - Millner on fx - and STICKS THE ARABIAN AGAIN! 3x in a row - this is getting gaudy for her. Literally everyone is just watching this routine. And she has the best hair in the arena. Huge closing double pike, and wow.

2:21 - Sheheyyyy for Iowa State on beam, violating fashion rules and mixing her metals with a maroon, gold AND silver leo. Rocking acro series of front aerial, layout stepout, but a step on the dismount.

2:22 - Wong 100% sinew drops her opening triple full front the sky and kicks out a stag jump after her 2nd pass. A meh rudi to end. I'm sorry, closing rudis just don't do it for me in EFs.

2:24 - Zurales hits her side aerial back handspring acro pass, and a huge clean sheep herder jump, then lands her ro double full dismount stuck cold. That shit should be in the running.

2:26 - Grable for Arkansas milks her zero-melody poorly mixed techno routine for a 9.88752489.

2:31 - Mable Syrup for Minnesota mounts fx after the break with a high double pike and dramatic film music to go with her shiny Gopher leo. Working the music involves smiling and kicking. 1.5 front layout to finish and Gopher Nation comes to life.

2:33 - Brewer of OKalathehoma mounts beam and inexplicably Bruno Mars starts BLASTING. She wobbles her 3 acro series (bhs lso lso) and she falls on her jumps. There are a lot of camera flashes because the arena cares so much about EFs they didn't mention it. Continuing the ironic hipter tradition, she sticks her double back dismount.

2:36 - Sloan about to crush beam since the last competitor fell to keep Bridget in her comfort zone. She wobbles the acro series and the flashes continue from idiot cameras.

2:38 - DAYM-E-YANCANCOOK-OVAH mounts floor with her tango music and rocks the first two passes. Sloan goes 9.9 on beam. Ute nation is swooning over her dance.

2:39 - Birthdy girl King mounts beam with her delightful British accent and is determined to stiff-arm swat any bug in her way, and is almost off on her acro series - leg up to keep the balance.

2:42 - Courville cowboys her double Arabian too much and takes a large step forward, then sticks the middle front to double tuck cold.

2:44 - The last beam of the day, and the arena comes alive because it's NUSH! Big leap series. SHE THROWS AND STICKS THE SIDE AERIAL!!! And is off on a regular front aerial. SAD FACE. That was freaking awesome. Thank you for thrilling us today!

2:46 - Weinstein starts fx for the Illinihi and stumbles her first pass. It's all up to Olivia Courtney on fx now - no other competitors.

2:48 - Courtney starts big by killing the double Arabian, then kicking a huge layout stepout at the end of her middle pass. Arena going nuts now, and she lands the double pike low. Sad face, but they spent alllllll of their energy qualifying to Supah Six at home. Great show everyone!

And we're DUNZO! And to my utter shock, the arena turns into an actual gay disco with a live singer! And the UCLA young male assistant leaps up onto the vault, other gymnasts leap onto the podiums, and we have a flash mob! How fun! Kristen Maloney is dancing on the beam podium with Shethehealy, and yelly UCLA ANNOUNCER GUY! is back, but on the floor and out of the crowd. And they're honoring the seniors by another crowd wave. Really dude?


  1. Poor Olivia Courtney. I'm pretty sure bein first up cost her the title.

  2. This sentiment may not be popular, but I was surprised that no Alabamans made the uneven bars event finals. I don't watch many collegiate meets - but what I have watched has had me marveling at several of the Alabama gymnasts' swing, form, & dynamics on that event. For me, they swing some of the most exciting & inspiring bars in the nation (I would probably be banned by GGMB's lovely Abomb - again - if I could post this over there.).

    Two "Blahtah" gymnasts made UB finals over the best Alabama bar workers? Either I'm out-of-touch, or some horrific fluke occurred.

    Is Jacobs the Bama gymnast with the hokey FX music? She's like the Katie Heenan of Bama with that routine (Katie's goody-goody sappy NCAA FX routines nauseated me). Sorry - I just generally do not like hearing certain music in NCAA. Give me the cooler stuff - like Dee-Dee-Foster-Using-Art-of-Noise cool.

  3. I wish AJ would come back but I guess he is to busy kissing skaters ass instead of telling it like it is.

  4. Dave (Jenny) on the TSL site you hardly see anyone posting. We don't want to sign in remember a username and all of that nonsense. Let us post there like we can here. Using either your name or anonymous. Thanks a bunch!

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