Friday, November 20, 2009

Skate America: The Men

The gays had an up and down competition at Cancerous Skate America. The short programs were hot messes, but the divas got in bitch mode and really attacked their free skates. I applaud the drama of it all, but the shorts were really quite pitiful.

Igor Macypura competed and is 'coached' by Karen Kwan. This guy actually has potential but he is competing at the level of Karen when she went away to Boston University. It is just a mess. There is some obvious Russianish jumping technique in there, but he isn't going to realize his potential at the East West Ice Palace. He will continue to stagnate like Caroline Zhang if he keeps that up. Karen went out to dinner with Igor after the event and they actually seem to have a good relationship. I'd pay Karen to coach me if it meant I was that close to Michelle. Do you think Karen's business card reads, "I'm Michelle Kwan's sister....she's in my phone?" Both of his performances were in the vein of Bebe Liang. We felt that same level of frustrating watching him.

Andrei Lutai deserved to be arrested for his costumes alone. Mishin's packaging of skating is up there with Khokhlova and Novitski. Not sure if either os his costumes had anything to do with the music or if they were even intended for his current programs. Lutai has enormous potential. Given that he is Russian and has already been arrested, I think he has the potential to be the next Yagudin. Lutai's skates were lost all week and his free skate really displayed his lack of practice. You have to wonder if he was drinking away his sorrows and blacked out. That performance had to hurt his chances of getting the second spot on the Russian Olympic Team. One has to mention how amazing Russian triple axels are. Even though he is the king of tackiness, all of the American coaches need to own Mishin's books, his jumping devices and teach their skaters to jump like the Ruskies. Hell, give them the Vodka too if it helps those jumps.

Ryan Bradley is a total show skater, was born to be a professional, and is really fun to watch. Ryan really goes after the quad and is probably the most consistent American quad-jumper. His leg position during rotation is actually not that tight. His big muscular ass and thighs give him insane height on his jumps. We need to fix the mullet. I can't support it. No matter whether or not I'm planning on it, I always wind up rooting for Ryan. He wiggles his hips in both programs and is a total ham. Ryan deserves to be the next Steven Cousins on Stars On Ice. His free skate is hysterical when he's hitting. His facial expressions are so engaging when he's confident. Landing both quads was hella impressive, but we were most impressed that he landed his triple axel. His take off was not very tight at all and even Ryan seemed surprised to land it in the long program. I knew it would be close between him and Verner in the long but he managed to eek out ahead of him given the strength of the opening of his long program. He lost a bit of focus at the end of his program and double a three jump combo. He also popped a salchow but threw a nice triple toe and hit it. You have to respect how hard Ryan fights when he is out on the ice. He doesn't give up. Love the little ribbon around his neck in the short.

Tomas Verner really had the ability to challenge Evan Lysacek for the title but he was suffering from the flu and it really showed. Tomas fell on an underrotated quad in the short and then doubled his triple axel and doubled his triple lutz. I don't really approve of him wearing jeans for Zorba the Greek. It just looks like he forgot part of his costume. Tomas is so talented and amazing to watch. He was absolutely the best skater at the event. His Godfather costume would absolutely leave him sleeping with the fishes due to its glitter, but I really like the program for him. His jumps are so pure and impressive. Tomas really came back in the free skate and I found myself hoping he could pull off a miracle. Tomas equated his short program to performing a program without any jumps. He didn't manage to pull off a quad in the long, but his triple axels were really strong. He lost a few points by doubling the salchow at the end of his program but the performance was impressive given his illness and disastrous short program.

Kevin Reynolds- I'm so glad that Rachael Flatt's brother got a hair cut. His long program costume is nice and reminds me of Yagudin's 'Man In The Iron Mask." Reynolds needs to be sent to Morozov because Nikolai could really turn him into a champion given his jumping ability. The footwork really needs work. I was shocked at how weak it was given that he is Canadian and probably ice skates on the way to school. I think they're born with ice skates already on their feet up there. His quad salchow is really impressive. He doubled his quad toe attempt but came back with a 3 Axel+2 Toe, 3 Loop+ 3 Toe, 3 Axel (x), 3 Salchow (x), 3 Lutz (x) and 3 Flip+3 Toe+2 Loop(x). The man can rotate in the air. Get him to Morozov. STAT.

Shawn Sawyer- He is such a delight on and off the ice. Has anyone ever noticed that Sawyer's coach smacks him on his butt before he competes? I would too if it meant he would skate as well as he did in his free skate. David Wilson choreographed a wonderful program to an Amadeus/Mozart medley. He turned out on his first triple axel but was very excited to rotate it. He kept cookin and delivered a 3 Flip+3 Toe, 3 Lutz, Split Jump+3 Loop, 2 Axel (step out), 3 Axel, 3 Salchow+2 Toe+ 2 Loop. Sawyer has the amazing Canuck edges going on and has a spiral with even more extension than Drew Meekins. Shawn is so charismatic and told us that he used to stretch his leg in door frames as a child. So glad he did. He warms up in colored wife beaters and always looks like an adorable gay. He told us that his wifebeaters always match his underwear. Guess he was wearing aqua the night of the free skate. He better stick with that color. Shawn has a tattoo of a Maple Leaf with the Olympic Rings and is dying to add 2010 to it. He does such a fantastic impression of David Wilson choreographing a program. The entire Dancing Bears restaurant gave Shawn a standing ovation when he entered and everyone kept buying him champagne and drinks. Evan came in later but he didn't receive one tenth of the ovation (honest.) Peggy Fleming always says that this sport is very revealing...guess people see what a gem Shawn Sawyer is. Our crazy new Ice Dance girls smothered Shawn all night and he loved it. Sweet guy.

Brandon Mroz had his second meltdown of the Grand Prix season. Word is that things are rough at home for Mroz, so I will go easy on him. I'm not a fan of skaters who are cocky tools and lack even a hint of artistry. He delivered a quad and triple axel in the short, but his long was as disastrous as his short program in Russia. If the USFSA didn't hate Johnny so much, you'd have to think that Brandon seriously damaged his Olympic chances. The long program costume really looks a bit ridiculous on him. He doesn't give off the poofy collar vibe to me. When his jumps go, he really doesn't have much to rely on. Mroz popped and doubled almost every jumping pass after he fell on his opening quad toe. Brandon was very upset and extremely deflated following his performance. Can't say I blame him.

Florent Amodio really has the French eurotrashiness going on and I love it. He is such a joy to watch and I agree with those who find him reminiscent of Eliot Halverson in terms of looks and personality. I lived for Scott and Sandra calling him "very French." His music edits appear to have been done by Tonya Harding and I applaud the randomness of it. His Amelie program is an absolute joy and had he not fallen on footwork, he would've medaled. The shrug of his shoulders after the fall was extremely charming. The entire crowd got behind him. His jumps have serious spring and his future is bright. Love Love Love watching him skate. WestPalmBitch would've thrown his panties at him had we let him.

Adrian Schultheiss is an utter drugged out mess and I'd love to go to Amsterdam with him. He actually skated to Smack My Bitch Up in a straight jacket. It happened. Loved the program. Sandra may not have been kind to him but you have to love him. It takes balls to skate to a program like he did. Luckily, the judges have less room to be stodgy than they used to. I really want to know how he jumps in that free skate costume. Love it.

Evan Lysacek- I've seen Evan skate in person before (I was there for the Tosca debut) and I can't say that I like him any better than I did back then. Evan's World Title appears to have made him cockier and even more of a douche. He probably considered his performance at Skate America courageous given all of the immense pressure on him...having one of the only decent short programs. His triple axel continues to be swingy with his arms and was obviously underrotated in the short. His arm flailing has gotten worse and he now adds these leg kicks and throws his head back a ton. The guy has a nice sit spin position and works hard, but his personality really comes across when he skates and it isn't pleasant. His Scheherezade is lacking the unique music edits that were promised. Both costumes are ridiculous in person. I don't know if I have more issues with Vera for the costumes or Lori for allowing him to flail about like that. How does Frank support that?! I've never met a skater who liked Evan's skating or him as a person. He really came across as cold to his family when he was at the table next to us at dinner. We didn't stand for his programs and definitely didn't ask him for a photo or autograph. Evan seemed much more interested in his agent than his parents after the event. His proud mama thinks he just gets better and better. I can't agree----I think his flailing gets worse and worse. I really hope he puts out his quad at Nationals, underrotates and falls because that is the only thing that is going to keep him from winning another National Title. He lacks any emotion in his long program until he goes into his ''passionate'' step sequences. He could really put his long lines to Johnny Curry use but doesn't. Not a fan. At all. Ever. He was somewhat promising before the 2006 Olympics. That promise went the wrong way. I have serious questions about Frank going senile.

Jenny Kirk was in Lake Placid interviewing fans for Universal Sports and was looking gorgeous. One of Evan's ELFFS was talking Jenny's head off for twenty minutes before they could film us. (They asked us.) This old lady was explaining every aspect of her sweatshirt and was going on and on about every competition she has ever seen Evan skate in. Jenny was doing her best skater face to keep from laughing but the guy holding the boom microphone looked like he wanted to stab her...or himself. I found myself eyefucking Jenny Kirk while we were waiting to talk to her. Now I know her and she is lovely, but it is impossible to get over how effing pretty she is in person. Jenny looks healthy, happy and is really thriving. Have to love her. The producers asked us to be snarky and we delivered...well I did. WestPalmBitch was PC for the most part but even he said that he didn't find Evan's skating to be genuine. We know Jenny secretly agreed. They said that they would definitely use our clips because everyone else was so YAYYY SKATING.

Lake Placid was fun and wasn't that bad for being impossible to get to and a small town with little to do. Found out about Sasha Cohen endorsing pepto while we were there, but some things speak for themselves. I have no words. She doesn't even need the money. My Dad said, "Well, Kathy Griffin said to never turn down a job."

In the Evan short program warm up video, you can hear the Baltimore Sun writer talking about the 'doughnuts' on his arms. We didn't laugh but she kept repeating herself as though we didn't hear it. We tried to explain the joy that is the drama of Sasha Cohen to her. She was slightly more fab than Lynn Rutherford...who doesn't know about the costumes but she really likes Evan's programs. (I wish you could her her faux-pretentious accent when she's pretending to be on par with Christine Brennan and Phil Hersh.)

We didn't manage to spot Lipinski or her 'dental work.' The only blemish on a great weekend.

No comments:

Post a Comment