Olympic Trials Night 2 Live Blog

Here we go.  D-Day.  Get your vodka ready and hang out for dear life.  This is going to be a rough night.  Visions of Atler are filling my mind.  The aesthetic-neurotic sports are almost too much to take.  Only sadists come back for me.  

"Gabby should just do her floor routine to Starship and do a hip pop after her first pass."- Daniel Dumais



Is that the only shot of Kennedy Baker we will ever see?

And it starts with Gabby Douglas on vault.  Does the twisting on the horse make you nervous?  Wonky technique...here we go...and a near stick!  Slight knee bend.  Not much distance, but it doesn't matter.

"Are they all wearing false eyelashes?  Gabby...beautiful sequin eyelashes.  She looks like an 80-year-old woman I sat next to on a flight named Precious."-Margaret Thatcher

Cute intro fluff from NBC.  Shots of the only the girls who are making the team.  And our first shot of Nastia looking like Tim Goebel at 2006 Nationals.  First allusion to Gabby being a head case.

Wiebs on bars.  Muscling up the wieler kips (bars skills for muscular dummies), she looks like she was coached on bars by Bela Karolyi.  Better body position on the full twisting double layout dismount.  Could have more amplitude.  Solid job.

"Jordyn's make me feel like I'm giving child birth.  Can I get an abortion and not have that routine in team finals?"- Daniel Dumais

"Jordyn has beautiful form but nothing close to toe point.  I guess I shouldn't expect that anymore.  Jordyn is an amazing PE Teacher"-Margaret Thatcher

Oh goodness, they let fat girls in leotards during fan fest.

15.350 for Jordyn (Maybe a 15 in real scoring)

Aly Raisman on bars.  Ugh.

Kyla Ross- DTY with an average landing and so-so amplitude and explosiveness.  Average.  15.150 (overscore)

"Martha's tacky Romanian influence needs to be curbed.  We've seen how Nadia dresses...I know that kind of thing is popular among girls these now (thanks to Bratz dolls) but surely Peggy Liddick or Bela or anyone less into bleached mullets would discourage diamond encrusted phony eyelashes.  I at least like Aly Raisman's staid Golda Meir look.  She at least looks like a professional woman."- Margaret Thatcher

NBC is being smart and not showing us Maroney's botched bar routine.  She had to do two tries at a shaposhnikova.



14.450 on bars.  Please note that Chelle Stack is judging bars.  Martha HATED Chelle until she became her pawn on the judging panel.  Pawn may be too kind of a word.  She is her flat out bitch like Officer Humphrey.

13.700 for Maroney on bars.

Dara Torres made the Olympics.  God Bless Judaism.  They find a way to get it done.

15.300 for Price on bars.  It is nice that they aren't showing her or Maroney.  It is also nice that the judges have no standards.  Whenever I see a Parkette on bars, I question if they belong in the competition on Thursday and Saturday.  Hell, most of the bars rotation group could as well.

Gabby Douglas has the lead.  If she wins, she can totally feel the pressure for a headcase moment in London.  #Believe

Maroney on bars.  Hell to the no.  Tim is so much kinder to some than others.  Maroney is never adding bars or beam.  It isn't like she will be around in a year.  This is American gymnastics.  #oneanddone

Anna Li- Hitting thus far.  This is her TV moment.  NBC has a knack for showing her worst efforts.  This is her fourth bar routine in a row.  Unlike Bross, Anna clearly WANTS it.  Martha looks impressed.  15.550

Jordyn Wieber- wobble on the back full.  Jordyn should quit trying those connections and get coaches who aren't blatantly Midwestern.  Region 5 is where you belong if you want a scholarship, not a trip to the Olympics.  If Jordyn loses this, will she become the Kim Zmeskal confidence mess who is trained into the ground in efforts to regain it?  Near stick on the dismount.

"Dara Torres had her breasts removed.  She has been laying off the roids.  You have to or you get caught.  I can tell by her slightly non-gigantic shoulders.  PEDs are wonderful in women's sports.  Performance Enhancing Drugs...I can tell since you and Lisa Weiss compete in sports where throwing up potential muscle can be a good thing."-Margaret Thatcher

It is great that Martha has instructed the judges to fuck over Anna Li.

I wonder what Donna Strauss' aesthetic is.  We know she is a bonafide PE Teacher, but one has to question what her vision of perfection is.  She clearly has Lou and Amber Trani drag cars up hells for their blue collar conditioning program.  EBee Price was solid like a beast on beam.  In the words of Sanra Bezic, "she isn't even going to try to be remotely artistic or graceful." 14.550  I'm glad that Robin is still around ready to pick up Sharky from her torn achilles as she preps Tia for floor.

Alicia is trying to look feminine with that makeup tonight.  She is prepping for her guest spot on on GCB.  Alicia didn't go for the beam mount today.  Is this the last beam routine we'll ever white knuckle through from her?    One of the best beam routines we've ever seen from Alicia.

"Today's commentary is night and day from the men's.  Tim Dagget was too turned on by John Orozco to say anything relevant."- Margaret Thatcher

Nastia on bars.  Girlfriend needs to hit.  Here we go.  And she breaks during a pirouette and falls badly on a geinger.  I haven't seen her miss that in years.  She is clearly feeling off and ready to cry any second.  She has fought to the bitter end.  I have so much respect for her not giving up.  With that break in the routine, she may actually do the real dismount...And she does.  Such a shame.  Heartbreaking.  The six-seven weeks off bars mid comeback killed her.  Time to root for Russia...

Mother just asked me if Valeri is nasty.  She still thinks they judge out of a ten and asked...

Aly Raisman- Daniel Dumais said he even prefers her to Wieber because she doesn't have retarded routine construction.  Even Martha is flat out calling her a sturdy German.  Lands with a thud and does not move.

15.150 Alicia on beam.  13.950 for Nastia on bars.

"Didn't we see Nastia on bars yesterday? - Mommy Dearest
"Yes."-Moi
"Why do they do the same thing again?"-MD
"To show they are consistent."-Moi
"So she was consistently bad?-MD
"Why don't you just kill me and get it over with?"-Moi

"Do they ever do the parallel bars?"-MD
"Only the men, even those half of these girls look like it."-Moi

Nastia has clearly been crying and so are the souls of anyone with taste.

Kyla Ross- Tied Anna on Day 1 which is an indication that Martha is cheating for her.

"Nastia's hair is tragic, but she is bald so I don't hold that against her."-Margaret Thatcher

"Nastia makes Ross look like total trash.  Her back muscles make her look like a genetic experiment."- A text from Margaret Thatcher

"The way Ross spots the bar before her bail reminds me of a ground hog peeping out of a hole."- Daniel Dumais

I'm glad that Bross' knee is just a fucking circus sideshow act.  And she falls on bars.  And another fall.  And drags her feet on the low bars and stops.  Valeri said she is done.  That is worse than Vanessa Atler.  Martha is actually crying because it was that awful.

My dad keeps saying, "look at that woman next to Martha."

"What, she looks like a lesbian?  We think they're together."

Gabby Douglas whom a skating talk show host says is destined to have the same body as her mother and should enjoy her skinny days...She is my new Awesome Dawesome...only she doesn't pretend to be Michelle Obama.  Gabby is rocking her weave.  Cmon girl.  So close on the Piked Tkatchev.  I was too young for Jennifer Sey, but Gabby makes me believe I'll see it happen in my lifetime.  The pak is what she will mess up on in London.  Fantastic routine.

"At least they have one good gymnast on bars."- Mommy Dearest

What happened to Sarah Finnegan?  Did Martha tell David Michaels she is toast?

OMG NBC now has John Orozco going through the Bronx like J Lo.  Did they film the shots with him in Colorado?

10.55 for Bross.

Gabby has a 1.350 over Wieber.  15.900 for Gabby.  NBC mutes Tim as soon as he starts calling Gabby a headcase.  She did indeed miss her hand on the bar initially.

Finnegan went 14.75 on bars  14.900 vault.


"If I was in this, do you think I would be from the Baltimore ghetto and have my own commercial doing back handsprings through a barber shop?"- Lisa Weiss (who lives down the street from America's favorite haircut)

For the Bross diehards, no I don't think Martha is going to take her as an alternate if she manages remain conscious after her beam routine.

Truth Booth highlights.  They are too bored of Kyla to show her.  I constantly have that feeling as well.

Price shows that trademark Parkette power on floor.  It is going to be hard to leave her off.  If there was a sixth member of the team, it would be Price.  She was #7 a week ago and has pushed Finnegan out of the way.  So strong.  Maroney needs to hit floor and vault amazingly well tonight.  Ebee isn't Level 5 on bars and beam like Sasha Cohen's hometown girl.  14.950 for Price.

Now it is time for our nightly bar mitzvah.  I would like to brag that I picked out this sturdy ox from day one.  In bounds.  One baby step back with a slight balance check on the mount. Stuck second pass connected to a leap.  I love that she attempts a switch ring as a dance element.  #selfawareness   Martha is going to lift her up in a chair if she performs like this in London.

Nastia on beam.  Let's end this on a great note.  Nobody is this stunning.  The crowd is with her.  Hits the connection both days.  Sticks the side somi off balance.  She is fighting for pride.  Doesn't go for the switch ring.  Near stick on the 2 1/2 dismount.  Waves to the crowd.  We will miss her.

The crowd goes nuts for her as she has tears in her eyes.  It wasn't meant to be, but she is a gorgeous class act.

Michelle Campi Maroney on floor.  This is crucial.  Nails the 3 1/2 twist.  Hits the second pass.  The third is the one she likes to cause us to lose sleep over.  Bela would love her character and fight, but he's break her in three workouts.  Lands the third pass out of bounds.  Just replace it with a damn double arabian.  Hits a double pike.  Maroney is making them have to cheat for her.  I'd take her.  Donna will give them hell.

Maroney received a 15.000 for her beam set.  I need to see video evidence to prove six former Karolyi gymnasts aren't on the panel.

Kyla may be hesitant on beam, but I feel much more comfortable putting her boring ass first up than Gabby who is originally from the Parkettes of the South and coached by people who make Donna look like an absolute genius.

Many are worrying about justifying Maroney on the team.  NBC and USAG made Dawes seem like a rockstar for her 9.4 start value on beam in 2000.  I have complete faith in them to pull through again.

Jordyn...hit this and show us the hot brother.  First pass strong.  This pedestrian music is growing on me.  I love that they didn't even bother changing it after Worlds.  Floor is an absolute joke these days.  They should just adjust themselves and do Y scales before their final runs.  Sticks the last pass like Jake Dalton.  Cmon, show us the brother.  I want the MILF and hot brothers, not the Gedderts. (15.600)

Where is Shawn tonight?  I hope Mandrea interviews her phony ass and asks her how hard she was pulling for Nastia. That bar routine was one of the best moment of SJ's life aside from the beam title she didn't deserve.

"Chevy needs to be less obvious in their targeting of Hispanics."- Lisa Weiss

Family Cam...Natalie Hawkins is my new favorite gym mom.  I LIVE for the color coordinating.  This is a white knuckle moment.  She better hope Mustafina and Komova don't give her the stare down during AA finals.  Gabby has not been absorbing her landings on beam for some time.  Thank goodness she stayed on.  Don't worry, Dawes was a mess on beam and well and she still made her way into the music videos.

Maroney was gifted a 15.500 on floor earlier to make sure no one can claim that mathematics weren't on her side.  Isn't it great when the judges know who to

14.850 for Gabby on beam.  Bross hit a 14.900 on beam and NBC didn't even show it.

Interview with Nastia.  She looks relieved to be done.  I want her teeth.  Classy interview.

"What kind of messy hair is that?!  She is so pretty.  Get a hairdresser."-Mommy Dearest

"Gabby on beam.  Talk about white knuckling."- Gaysian Attorney


"Okay, I'm dying.  The kid falling off the ottoman.  I need to rewind."- Lisa Weiss


Why is Officer Humphrey on the committee when Kathy Kelly just decides everything anyway?  Bela has more say and he doesn't known their names.

High vault for Alicia.  A bit piked down.  She may get an alternate spot over Finnegan after Sarah's shaky 14.800 on beam.  Sarah isn't ready for prime time.  15.800 Vault 1.  Alicia actually stuck a vault (DTY)  I would take her.

Price- Nice vault from Ebee.

"Gabby is not remotely artistic, but she is amazing anyway.  She would need the rigors of compulsories to become a real woman."- Margaret Thatcher


And a 15.300 for Gabby.  She wins Trials.  That is BS and it looks like Wieber, Raisman and friends agree.  Maroney has a look like, "well you know they want to make it look like we have two strong all around contenders."

Mandrea with Gabby.  And she gives glory to God.  And then she does the happy dance."

Raisman in tears hugging Nastia.

NBC chacks Sabrina Vega as Jordyn looks rightfully pissed.

There goes Martha grinning like a cat who is about to fucking pounce on a helpless mouse.  Why go into the back room?  Do they think Officer Humphrey has some insight?!  You know Martha and Kathy went through all possible scenarios as they spooned in bed last night.

The attention Gabby will get as the winner of trials (and the first black gymnast since Dawes to be primed to win an individual medal) is only going to piss off Jordyn and Chow needs to be careful that it doesn't get to Gabby's head, as she appears to be slightly more difficult to keep focused than Shawn.  Gabby is more exciting, but she also is more real.  It takes a crazed robot of psychotic bitch to win Olympic Gold.

Kathy Kelly is in panic as though they just had to pick a fat gymnast.

The men's team...I do love how Mikulak is taken with a bum ankle this time, while Sender was passed over last time.  There is never any consistency and there are never rules.  That is what is so fantastic about this sport.  I do love that there are two obvious gaytinos on the team.  Represent.  The Japanese spies look like they gave these boys some hair gel for their big announcement.

"Those replacement gymnasts can fill any hole they want."- Gaysian Attorney


I love that Mihai is behind the door.  Maybe Martha needed help spelling?

Orozco interview.  They didn't even bring up the Bronx.  That is like a Rachael Flatt interview without mentioning AP classes.

President Tool has his sheet of paper.  He looks ready for his moment.  I love that Leslie King still doesn't own a bra after all these years.  I do love that the President of Gymnastics has an ass as big as our Governor's from the great state of New Jersey (an equally big asshole.)

Way to check the microphone ahead of time.  And the team...

Gabby Douglas...

McKayla Maroney...

Aly Raisman...

Kyla Ross...

and Jordyn Wieber!

Why even put on the charade?  They must have been having a drink.

Who is crying like Marcia Newby believing she actually had a shot?!  March out already.

The clique is hysterically crying.


Alternates:  Sarah Finnegan, Elizabeth Price and Anna Li.

I need a shot of Alicia RIGHT NOW.  You know Mihai was running because Martha told him the bad news.
Nastia looks relieved.

Alicia must be back trashing the locker room because she is nowhere to be found!