Monday, July 30, 2012
NBC Primetime Coverage: Men's Team Final
It is time for those of us who work to witness the joy of watching David Boudia and Tom Daley compete in Speedos. Praise Jesus.
Maybe the Americans would do better if they actually trained together? In my mind, they are totally two Speedo-clad boys skyping who happen to get around to diving when they're done comparing more important things than inward three-and-a-halves.
Tom Daley is young enough to make most of my friends feel pervish. They are all arguing over who gets to comfort him after his partner blew the fat one on that fourth round dive. It was about what would happen if Tom Daley were diving with a Dumais brother or Blaine Wilson.
The best aspect of Cynthia Potter is that she is never really talking to her co-commentator or the viewers at home, her OCD is just going in overdrive. Just shy of vertical and I don't think we're going to see eight and halves.
We must see this Tom Daley documentary.
Let's go back and review Oprah saying Gabby is her long lost daughter. I've seen Oprah's childhood photos and the wagon of fat. I'm going with no.
My friend is over and I offered him ice cream. I pulled a total Nastia and told him I was having a peach instead after dishing it out.
New photos of Danell to help you make it through beach volleyball and swimming.
I can't tell if I'm low energy or if this coverage is utterly dull thus far.
Ryan Lochte's genius energy is matching my own.
NBC just spoiled the results of Missy Franklin's first final with their own Today Show commercial. #genius
And now the hottest men's team in history takes to the arena to compete for an Olympic medal.
If Kohei doesn't get it together by Wednesday, there will be massive drinking going on by many gymnastics enthusiasts.
Jake or Sam? I'm going with Team Jake.
Danell Leyva is on floor and Yin is up top. Thank God. Our big beefy gaytino gets us off to a solid start. I do not feel we have seen him look all that sharp yet in London. He looks good, but we've seen him look great at Nationals and Trials. 15.200
'I loved the sniff the dick hold."-Drunksana
Our first green score!
Sam Mikulak and his sideburns are next. Gorgeous double double mount. The quality of his gymnastics is far superior to Danell's. Great landings, bum ankle and all. Then he hops. Good rollout pass. And a shocking last pass where his knees and hands hit the mat. He went for broke in Team Finals, but it is the risk. If he had gone for a safe landing, he could've had just a little step that could've added up. That is not a start a team wants to absorb in the first rotation. Momentum gone. 14.600
Jake Dalton- He looks loney without Brooks and Legendre. Great Arabian double layout. Great rollout. Good third pass. He is simply spectacular on floor. His lightness and gorgeous toes win me over as much as his eyes. Small hop forward. One has to wonder if these guys just peaked a bit earlier at Trials. The men who made the team had to give the performances of their lives to make it. They were all sharper four weeks ago.
And the first look at John Orozco's parents. No, it was not an ancestry.com advertisement.
Why wasn't David Boudia in the body issue?! Or Jake?!
Like J Lo on Idol, the medal hopes of Team USA have left the building. Sadly, Mariah can't save the program now.
Olympic sponsorship by Coke and McDonald's never gets old. Drink high fructose corn syrup and you will be the new Shawn Johnson!
Our Latino boys have so much J Lo booty going on...there are gays on my Facebook feed unable to even form sentences.
And Danell was off the entire routine. Yin is devastated and Tim is already using the word catastrophic four routines in. And he goes to hide under his personal closet. 6-3-3 is so momentum based. If your team is two for four, it is going to be a bad night. 13.400. That is deadly.
Sam Mikulak was taken to the Olympics due in part to his ability to do Pommel Horse. I love that NBC doesn't even care about the other teams. Solid routine, but the extension could be way better. 14.500 (If Team USA is going to take someone to the Olympics for ever being good on horse, they are going to need much higher scores.)
I live for the token NBC polls voted on by twelve-year-old fans awarding golds to each and every American. Like Danell Leyva, Orozco is off throughout the routine and the breaks before the big errors add up to a score that ends the team's medal hopes. The team's energy is dead. There is no pep talk big enough to overcome a 12.733.
It is ridiculous how think Kerri Strug was when you see her in HD. My God.
John Orozco...and they mention the Bronx within seconds.
Rohene Ward on Pommel Horse- two hit routines in a row...something the real Rohene could never accomplish. 15.966.
Hot Ukrainian Boys doing Dragulescus on vault and sticking. LOVE.
Kohei is just disgustingly good. Seeing him take a hop or a step is like watching Michelle Kwan fall. The brain cannot compute.
NBC is now fast forwarding up finals at light speed now that Team USA brought the suck.
"The thugs in the Bronx are waiting to beat Orozco's ass after today's performance. A total West Side Story bitchfest is gonna go down tonight."-Uschi Keszler
Guo Weiyang...fabulous horse set.
And suddenly it is the next rotation, because NBC clearly does. not. care. Zou Kai is on high bar already. Dude, point your toes. Why does Chen Yibing rocks the Al Fong gloves?
And NBC decides to skip rings entirely. They only care about our athletes when they're medaling. Its begs the question 'why were we subjected to Blaine Wilson and John Roethlisberger for so many years?!
Orozco...low block off the hore. It is so tough to see him meltdown like this today. He clearly wants it, but is just not present today. His tears would be far more heartbreaking if NBC let us absorb the event and appreciate the amazing gymnastics going on all around.
Big crooked step for Mikulak. Frankly, if you blink, you will miss the event. 15.966
Jake Dalton...not his best tsuk triple. Someone on twitter tweeted Dawes that their men 'shot their load two days early.' I tend to agree. 16.066.
Horton's speech is just not convincing.
There needs to be an SNL skit about Danell Leyva's towell. That shit is just ridiculous.
This team appeared so much more united at Trials. Leyva is under the towel, Orozco is crying and Horton has lost his mojo. It is really shocking how different the vibe was with Chris Brooks and Steve Legendre around.
NBC's tape-delayed coverage is about as convincing as the political ads that are starting to run. #beyondoverit
NBC has butchered this finals coverage so much...I almost hope they just skip ahead to the women's preview.
NBC is showing equestrian. NBC is so supportive of Team USA when they aren't medaling. Next they'll run some ad saying it isn't about the medals, but the journey. #yeahright
This is the longest night of coverage boredom. I need a nap.
NBC is going to pretend to care about gymnastics for a few minutes.
NBC is telling us that China was impressive today. We wouldn't know.
Chinese pommel horse looks nothing like American pommel horse. It is not even the same event. So impressive.
Great Britain (maybe my favorite men's leotards ever)...the princes like it and so do we.
I miss Daniel Keatings :(
"Rohene, muscly Sean Rabbitt...Gosh, Britain's got the dream team!"-Uschi Keszler
Purvis nails it. Crowd is building with excitement. I cannot pretend that I am excited by this coverage, as we all know the results.
NBC has out-boxed itself with the green. Al now requires an uber-green.
"The Princes are pretending to care about gymnastics right now. No Kate. She couldn't handle all the ridiculous leaps out of every single tumbling pass."-Uschi
NBC is rushing the Japan-GB controversy, but we still do get to see Rohene queen out like Robin Wagner. It is fabulous.
Al just blamed it all on the 'damn pommel horse.' That is the only worthwhile comment he has every contributed.
NBC isn't very convincing with building Kohei Uchimura up as the best gymnast of all time by only showing his weakest moments.
If you want to know when gymnastics went all wrong...it is when the FIG made rules that countries are peddling cash to steal silver medals from the home team during an Olympic-sized scandal. Ay dios mio.