Chelaru is on floor...we are getting our feed figured out. The app is down.
We fucking missed fever. Izbasa's music is not helping our exhausted asses. Snoozefest. Good tumbling, but she is slow.
14.600 for Ponor. Iordache had a fantastic routine going. Stuck double double, stuck full in, and then missed the whip+triple she struggled on in training. Hot disaster. No floor finals for Iordache.
15.033 for Koko Tsurumi on bars. We have seemingly gotten our feed going.
We have agreed that the old whores from Romania start wearing floor slippers as menopause begins.
Mixed Group 8 looks...cultural. They are some mighty Latinas in the house.
"Some girl in the mixed group looks like she got lost on the way to weightlifting." - Drunksana
"Is this the first time Egypt has women on their team?" - WestPalmBitch
Japan looking radiant on the beam. They are giving us visions of Mao Asada in her happy days.
Shannon calling the Japanese "light on their feet." Code for anoxeric bitches.
Catalina on vault. "I wouldn't want to meet her in a dark alley."-Drunksana. It was a DTY, the form was hideous. Shannon Miller's "little bit of form" comments are not soothing. Worlds' worst commentator. 15.133
We are reminiscing about Laura Martinez's vault run watching this Spaniard on floor. Shannon is nostalgic for two whips to her real hair...and her real nose (well maybe she isn't nostalgic for that.)
Izbasa did a Mustafina and hit the line. 15.500, DTY solid. It doesn't get the rise that it could. Shannon doesn't know what is going on. She believes her second vault is her first. Nasty pike down on the DTY.
In honor of these shitty DTYs, we give you Shannon Kwiatkowski's.
Let's take a moment and observe how terrible the form is for these Romanian vaulters. We are feeling very down and out, wanting some Maroney right now.
Ana maria Izurieta gets a 14...and she is equally as pissed as we are.
Koko Chanel....where are you?
Izbasa gets a 15.133 and is easily in vault finals. Like we were worried.
"Why doesn't Produnova come back? She was too large that her foot just broke from her largeness." - AJ
Another Japanese trainwreck. We are getting sick of these onodi's. At least the Japanese look a little pretty.
Let's take another moment to observe AJ's typing ability....it is horrendous. He is a world-class pecker.
"AJ's typing ability is slightly better than his scratch spin." - Drunksana
Japan beam plus Shannon Kwaitkowski commentary is just the perfect solution for a mid-day nap. zzzzz
A fierce Lithuania - sleeveless and shaved.
She has the tumbling of a level 9 gymnast according to AJ. The NCAA would be pleased.
Shannon says that she did very well. She has pity on the special olympics competitors.
"Shannon likes her because she has less difficulty than she did." - AJ
"I feel like we are being trapped in Nastia's fucking closet. This is an awful arena." - AJ (being very chatty right now)
This is the last subdivision...thank our stars. I'm not sure how many Mixed Groups I can handle anymore.
Iordache - runs down the vault with the tenacity and will power of Kerri Strug. She lands it. Good for her. She probably has been injected with so many shots of cortisone that her whole body is numb.
Laura Svilpaite (our Lithuanian friend) gets a 12.666....mark of the devil.
Floor exercise...Yuko Shintake is up from Japan. She is so cute with the power of Meng Fei.
"They are getting the Fumie Suguri suck going on." - AJ
This music is a bit perplexing. Double twist done like a true NCAA all star.
UB - Diana Bulimar - "Spelled like Like Bulimic"
"She is straight out of the kindergarten playground where they found Nadia." - AJ
"But her face looks about 70." - Drunksana
Identity crisis Romanian did an okay set. Shannon says it's the score they hope to drop.
"She is a midget grandmother." - WestPalmBitch
Chelaru - not as old looking, equally as terrible.
"That was painful." - Drunksana
The old whores of the Romanian team are showing signs of arthritis. Their landings are like cement blocks falling from the sky. She gets a 13.733..."It's bad when Aly Raisman is outscoring you by leaps and bounds." - AJ
Iordache...please save us from this trainwreck. She at least has some swing and swag....well, not sure about the swag. She gutted through that like a true Romanian. Nice bitch face at the end.
FX - Asuka something something....She is a fast tumbler. Her face is radiant like the sun on her leo.
"I like her." WestPalmBitch
Shannon really is turned on by Japanese women apparently. She is really digging their style. Floor exercise leaps are to what back inside edge sit spins are to figure skating. Ew.
Beam girl - Sasa! It's like Salsa without the L...says WPB. She is really incredibly slow. "It's like her wedding night beam routine." She's ready to mount.
"SASA FIERCE" goes into her dismount...and that was a wack job of a dismount. We all enjoyed it.
"I want to see Anna Li in her neck brace." - Drunksana
"Rie Tanaka is definitely a Suguri sister...she might be Cheka" -- AJ
What are with all these double tucks? Are we back in 1992? Kim Zmeskal would be proud. WPB thinks she is sassy. She is about as sassy as Morgan White. "Did Robin Wagner choreograph this?" - AJ -- "No, Mary Scotvold." - Drunksana
There is something about watching Romanians waiting for their bars scores that is akin to seeing Nancy and Mary Scotvold hoping for that 6.0 in Lillehammer. Still waiting.
Diana Laura Bulimar- Back layout...no amplitude. BHS+layout stepout. Switch 1/2. Switch side with a 'special' arm flourish. Two back handsprings to a double pike...and now people who aren't completely devoid of personality are set to go.
"I bet this is the ghost of Andreea Raducan."-Uschi Keszler
Koko trained with Shawn Johnson last year and it all went to her face. She just did a full twisting yurchenko like He fucking Kexin. Shout out. UCLA could snatch her up at any moment. 13.800 for the full.
Yuko Suguri Shintake- yurchenko 1.5 to her ass...it was not even close. She is definitely related to Fumie to Chika.
I preferred Shannon when she couldn't even get through an interview. Shannon the commentator needs to let out her inner Peggy Liddick.
I love the bored gymnasts in the audience. We feel the same way.
Asuka...who says thank you before she goes...unfortunately that vault was not polite- Uschi Keszler
Singapore girl on uneven bars is a bit sad. Shannon says it was "nice and flighty." Could she be any more PC...
Iordache up now. She's looking crisp and clean. Full twist with a wobble. "Stays on the beam" says Shannon, with some southern twang. She is having an identity crisis with her accents. She missed a connection...not good. Hand motions with the grace of Simona Amanar. Triple twist was pretty solid. She did a respectable job.
Vault in 3D is just scary. Asuka gets a 14.6. Her ancestors are so proud.
14.8 for Iordache.
Catalina Pornstar next. Let's see how it's really done here. She sticks out her rack like a true pro. She almost fell over on the switch ring...her breasts were just not handling the torque. She is not making beam final..."going weiber on us." - AJ
"Aly Raisman -- 3 golds." - Drunksana prediction
Pornstar puts a big step back on the landing...she is not happy.
"I would not want to be in a dark alley with her now.." - AJ
What a mess. Pornstar performed lackluster. We are thinking grandma maybe made the beam finals out of all the Romanians.
A Netherlands girl on the floor exercise. This is the final routine of the day. Nice full in, but then falls off on the next pass. She is doing some fucked up zen movement to Irish music. Not sure what is happening here. "Having a nice time with her dance" - Shannon Kwaitkowski's classic quotes of the Olympics. Finishes with a double tuck. Her three fans are cheering loud and proud.