Nationals: A Shit Fest

Last night, a bunch of underwhelming gymnasts and a few returning veterans took part in the Liukin family's annual game of 'I'm Better Than You...'  While Rebecca Bross failed the WOGA name, it is important to note that Katelyn Ohashi used up all of the fabulousness in the universe earlier in the day.  Lexie Priessman also outdid herself by performing a floor routine to the Zumba soundtrack.  God has to give us Brestyan's on bars after something like that.



Last night, Jordyn Wieber dominated the field by hitting two events, wobbling through beam and muscling a bar routine for dear life.  Just dealing with the pressure and pulling out eight events should do wonders for Jordyn's confidence.  After this meet, we need to send her away and teach her how to have a semblance of swing on bars.

Chellsie Memmel kicked ass last night and may have earned her first-ever national title on balance beam with her effort on night one.  Kudos to Memmel for getting in shape and being one of the only non-pieces-of-shit on television.  One of these days, she will perform 'the Memmel' cleanly on floor.  One day.  (And Alicia will stay in bounds...)

McKayla Maroney was robbed of a vault title last night according to everyone in the arena, but Universal Sports didn't show it.  They preferred to show her falling everywhere else.  A five-second vault replay would've been too much for them.  It is time for McKayla to change her final pass on floor so she can have the consistency that won't put her in the same life boat as Gabby Douglas.

For those of you who missed Gabby's performance, a career ended last night.  Gabby is physically able to do all of her skills, yet she fell four times and botched her bar dismount.  It is important to note that Gabby originally looked at WOGA but didn't obtain a clearance from her former coaches to transfer.  God likely spared her, as Valeri would not have tolerated that balance beam effort.

Shawn Johnson looks to be getting into gear.  It is troubling that she is actually in the mix, as she is not yet in top form.  The rest of the team is just that poor and Shawn is rediscovering her inner competitor. Anna Li is making a serious case for herself and may be a real beam dismount away from being in contention for the world team.

It is amazing how the girls from Brestyan's lack self-awareness.  Alicia continues to perform a 2 1/2+Front Layout after eight years of life experience telling her that it isn't a great life decision.  Ms. Sacramone continues to overpower her Double Arabian in competition despite kidding herself that she will one day connect a leap to it.  Overall, Alicia lacked sharpness last night.  The 2010 Alicia may be the max of her physical and mental abilities.  It isn't like she is ever going to start sticking on vault and getting any sort of variety into her beam routine.  Alicia's best bet is to encourage Maroney to continue dismounting floor with a Double Arabian.

Rebecca Bross' year of burnout continues.  Night two will be critical, as she is circling Kristie Phillips territory at rapid speed.  Every time Bross fell or wobbled, Martha Karolyi stared at Nastia and began to realize that half a pound of fat was missing from her face.  The 'same ol shit' floor routine was hit but unfathomably disgusting.  It may not be meant to be.  Suddenly, the Olympics aren't such a sure bet...

Bridgey and Macko define the Alyssa Beckerman 'no-go-zone bubble' that NBC used to refer to.

Best Friends Forever!

Following the competition, we were gifted with a level of authenticity not seen since Regina George asked us where we bought our skirt.

A few highlights:

(Unspoken dialogue...reminiscent of The Wonder Years)

Nastia: So when are we going to see your floor routine?  I love it so much.  I really want to see you do a double double right now...
Shawn: Oh, in my heart, I dream of doing it at Worlds.  I'll do it after I win Dancing With The Stars again...
Nastia:  I really look forward to seeing it.  How are those silver tears tasting these days?
Shawn: I'd really like to thank Nike for their support and the crowd.  People think I won.
Nastia: Everyone really enjoyed seeing you out there again, especially me.  I have shoes worth more than Nike is paying you...


Jordyn Wieber had an in depth discussion with Nastia, who did her best to not point out that Jordyn made the eternal mistake of wearing gold.  Ask Shawn Johnson about her Beijing hair ribbon.

Chellsie Memmel also showed off her stickers from her father to the hosts of Around The Gym.

Nastia: So, I see you got two stickers for bars!  Way to go!  I think I got stickers in level 4...when my mother was stretching my feet to make sure they never looked like yours.


It isn't just that gymnastics is corny, shitty or poorly produced.  David Michaels now inflicts John R. on all of us.  No matter how much we would all wish to forget his , "it's not over til I say it's over," we now have to endure his pretend career as a commentator.

John R's Quote of the Night:

John: So Carly, what are you up to?  Are you still signing?
Carly:  I'm doing so many things, but I'm focusing on school where I'm majoring in Communications and Journalism.
John: So Carly, what is your major?
Carly: I'm majoring in Communications and Journalism.

Sadly, John wasn't being ironic or a bitch in disbelief when having an intellectual discussion with the second eliminee from Celebrity Duets.