Tuesday, November 16, 2010

DWTS: Beggin You For Mercy


The finalists on Dancing With The Stars are announced tonight and it could very well be a surreal experience.



Am I dreaming or did Bristol Palin actually make the semifinals?  I'm all about the feel-good, overcoming obstacles story...when the person actually does it.  There is a small problem here: Bristol hasn't learned how to dance or perform.  Bristol Palin dances with the same blank stare as most Japanese skaters.  Nothing is going on with that face!  Given that she has survived elimination six times, there is a very real chance that the Tea Party will indeed vote her though.  The producers had Mark Ballas bring up the suggestion that the right wing is voting her through despite her ineptitude at ballroom dancing.  In a moment up there with her "I can't be sexy, I'm just a teen mom," Bristol told us that unlike typical Hollywood, she isn't fake.  Yes, because political campaigns are so effing authentic.






We did learn a lot about Bristol this week.  One of the most curious things we learned is that she played football growing up.  That explains so much about her dancing and butterfly shoulders.  Bristol also mentioned driving a truck down.  I can't get the visions of her changing tires out of my head.  We also learned that in Bristol's "genuine" reality, she never had any issues in life until Levi came along.  Always blame the horny guy!  We should be easy on Bristol about her authenticity, it isn't like she pretends to have any stage presence or charisma.

Bristol claims that she has only ever slept with one guy.  Mark Ballas is either the touchy-feeliest person ever or...



In other news, Jennifer Grey didn't cry this week.  The producers are now giving her the perseverance edit.  She will lift that Mirror Ball Trophy...even if she needs a body cast in the process.  Jennifer is dancing better than ever.  My inner gay needs her to win.  I will not rest until baby wins this competition.  Jennifer and Derek are pure magic.  Her cha-cha-cha was worth every inflated score this show has to offer.



Sadly, Jennifer did not mention overcoming a career-ending nose job in her inspirational package.



I do worry about Jennifer Grey's chances in the freestyle.  If Brandy brings her hip hop action to the stage, it may be difficult to out-energize a live music video.  Whitney Houston scares me and I'd be afraid to go against her.  Despite an iffy Paso Doble, Brandy actually managed to be quite elegant during her Tango.  I lived for the lifts and didn't even see any inner Beyonce poking through.



Lacey Schwimmer may be the black sheep of Dancing With The Stars, but I can't help rooting for Kyle Massey.  He is just one big ball of love.  Sadly, I worry about his chances to make the finals.  The Tea Party has proved time and again to lack any sense of logic, reason or taste.  One can only pray that the producers will find some way to fix this, but we should all be prepared for the worst.  Last night might just be the last time we ever see his overabundance of bounce to the ounce!



Let us pray.

24 comments:

  1. Didn't see this last night, but it's just gaggy how arrogant that girl sounds. So it's true, the American voter isn't interested in talent, artistry, intelligence or excellence, they just want to vote for someone like themselves - mediocre, clueless, dull, and lacking any redeeming (in this case dance) qualities except gall. Way to go America.

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  2. Another season that is a complete joke. Bristol should have been gone the second or third week. The girl has the personality of a dishrag. If the final three is Brandy, Bristol and Jennifer, I predict Bristol will win.

    I'd love to see Kyle win, though! He's having so much fun.

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  3. LOL. The comments on Bristol are so effing transparent. If she was the daughter of a left-winger, I can guarantee 99 percent of you would pull for her regardless of her danceability. Either give it a rest or admit that you want her voted off simply bec. you hate her, her family and what they represent.

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  4. I would absolutely make fun of Chelsea Clinton.

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  5. I'm from London, England and LOVE that there is someone famous called Bristol - round here it's slang for 'tits'! I can consequently never take this girl seriously...

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  6. Left winger? Just because someone thinks Bristol is talentless & doesn't belong in the final? It's sad people don't vote for the best dancer - that's all!

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  7. This show nauseates me for several reasons, but even I think it's adorable that Bristol has improved ever so slightly. I mean, she's competing against someone who was in a DANCING MOVIE (Jennifer), and someone who used dance moves FOR A LIVING (Brandy). This is the most unfair competition there is, so who says we must be fair in choosing a winner?

    Secretly, I'm hoping Bristol wins so that the American public will stop their infatuation with reality "competitions".

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  8. Tarasova's MinkNovember 16, 2010 at 4:19 PM

    I think Elisabeth Hasselbeck secretly trolls Aunt Joyce and posts anonymous comments.

    Meanwhile, they all better watch out for Brandy. She'll run you over with an SUV if you get in her way. Don't fuck with Moesha, y'all.

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  9. Left wing/Right wing... I don't care, the bitch can't dance! I'm almost certain Margaret is a leftie, HOWEVER, her ass needed to go and she needed to go early. It's a dance competition, and yes, sometimes the best dancer doesn't ALWAYS win, but it took Miss Bristol until week 8 to show improvement. Her dances from this past week were good (or bad) enough to still get her voted off three weeks ago.

    If Kyle wins, I won't be mad. No, he isn't nearly as good a dancer as Brandy or Jennifer, but he improves EVERY week and performs the HELL out of his routines. Bristol neither shows steady improvement nor does she have an ounce of stage presence necessary to win this competition. I'm Sorry, but better dancers were sent home earlier and I don't care what your political affiliation is, there is no way she should be considered a "champion" of anything dance or performance related. Even Mark knows they should have been sent home weeks ago, but seeing as they get paid more for staying on the show longer, I'm sure he's thanking his lucky stars people are foolish enough to keep pushing her dry immobile ass through to the next rounds.

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  10. Ha Ha Haters! Nasty Brandy went home and Bristol is in the finals. Are your tiny little heads exploding? I don't mind if Kyle wins it all, but there's no way that bitch Jennifer is going to get it, and all your ugly bullying about Bristol was what got her to the finals, so thank you! Keep it up.

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  11. Your level of taste astounds me. I imagine posters of Shawn Johnson, Rachael Flatt and KFC on you walls.

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  12. The masses are asses. Why would someone celebrate the worst dancer winning a dance contest?

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  13. Lefties' heads are exploding for Bristol's win. Wonderful. LOL.

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  14. Oh, I hope Kyle wins it at this point. He's the most real, the most charming, and, in my opinion, the most entertaining.

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  15. Why would we celebrate the worst dancer winning a dance contest? Because it's a made-for-TV "competition" that's totally rigged. Derek Hough always gets paired with the best dancer... Half the cast comes into the show with dance experience while the other half of the cast has two left feet... It's a joke! Actually, I wish Kyle wins because while I'm sure he's had some dance knowledge from Disney, he doesn't seem formally trained like Jennifer or as much of a dud as Bristol.

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  16. DWTS is like a Level 5 gymnast competing against a Level 8 gymnast and an Elite. It's obvious from Week 1 who should win, but we have to sit through 10 weeks of BS to get to that point. Jennifer obviously should win, but Kyle may win because he's funny, and Bristol may win because of her mom. How is this dancing?

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  17. It should just be dancing with people with recognizable names because there are very few 'stars' in the competition. once again... bristol palin. the situation, and audrina (who was surprisingly talented for someone who does nothing for a living and gets paid for it) are also guilty. and @9:06, youre right, at this point if were not voting on dancing, i hope kyle takes all for at least entertaining me all season while i was forced to sit through week after week of painful to watch routines from porky palin. i even genuinely like her as a regular girl with no talent or personality. just not for the finals of this competition.

    at least when kelly osbourne skated to the finals she had a personality that could explain her presence there.

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  18. I believe Diebold was hired by ABC to count the votes.

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  19. I don't really care about this show. I've never been interested in watching a bunch of has-beens and "who's thats" trying to gain 15 minutes of fame or resuscitate their ailing careers. It's not a competition, it's a popularity contest. Obviously, despite her total and complete lack of talent, presence and performance ability, Bristol's getting the votes. Because of my mom's incessant bitching I watched the dances on Monday. If that was Bristol at her best then I shudder to think of how she did the first few weeks. She looked like a giant chubby vampire bat who was missing a chromosome. I was shocked at how much praise she got and the fact that they called that her best dance. My mom started fussing and screaming at which point I asked her if she thought it was such bullshit why the hell she gives ABC the rating by watching it every week?

    DWTS is a joke. If you want an actual dance competition with dancers you watch So You Think You Can Dance. That's a real competition; if you can't dance you don't even make it into the competition. It's a popularity contest as well seeing as how it's viewer voted, but the winner is always a talented dance. I'm sure Bristol will win and it'll just be a testament to how full of shit DWTS is...glad I never paid attention to it otherwise I'd be pissed they sent Brandy how (her tango was pretty good). Just for kicks, I hope Corey/Kyle wins. That's So Raven was the shit! LOL!

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  20. It was interesting to watch the pre-dance package for Bristol- showed the 'drove down from Alaska in a truck' conversation during the first week.

    Compare the appearance of that woman with the one that danced last night- look at the face/torso.

    I have no doubt that she's 'dancing for two'-and I'm not including Mark in that equation. It's the only plausible explanation (and her face looks just like Mom's did with her pregnancies when she was the same age)- because she's surely not snacking on butter sticks (the only other plausible explanation).

    Bet the three of them will win it all...sad.

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  21. To the anonymous poster at 8:25 AM:

    The weight was quite noticeable to me, too. The first thing I thought of was another pregnancy, but there is another possibility. On the Interwebs, there is the rumor that she's literally a junk food fanatic. Apparently she eats tons of candy bars and other crap before/after practices and doesn't practice as much as some of the other stars. I guess that could be enough to do it.

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  22. Who cares who wins this cheesey show? Personally, I think it's fixed from the get-go.
    I get so bored with it that I rarely make it through the entire show. Bristol may not be much of a dancer, but neither is Kyle. And Jennifer is a ringer, who already knew how to dance. So the best dancer (who already knew how to dance) will win in the end, just like last season.

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  23. It doesn't matter one bit who wins this show. It's a popularity contest, and the bad dancers stay bad throughout while the trained dancer wins. yawn.

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