Tuesday, November 16, 2010
DWTS: Beggin You For Mercy
The finalists on Dancing With The Stars are announced tonight and it could very well be a surreal experience.
Am I dreaming or did Bristol Palin actually make the semifinals? I'm all about the feel-good, overcoming obstacles story...when the person actually does it. There is a small problem here: Bristol hasn't learned how to dance or perform. Bristol Palin dances with the same blank stare as most Japanese skaters. Nothing is going on with that face! Given that she has survived elimination six times, there is a very real chance that the Tea Party will indeed vote her though. The producers had Mark Ballas bring up the suggestion that the right wing is voting her through despite her ineptitude at ballroom dancing. In a moment up there with her "I can't be sexy, I'm just a teen mom," Bristol told us that unlike typical Hollywood, she isn't fake. Yes, because political campaigns are so effing authentic.
We did learn a lot about Bristol this week. One of the most curious things we learned is that she played football growing up. That explains so much about her dancing and butterfly shoulders. Bristol also mentioned driving a truck down. I can't get the visions of her changing tires out of my head. We also learned that in Bristol's "genuine" reality, she never had any issues in life until Levi came along. Always blame the horny guy! We should be easy on Bristol about her authenticity, it isn't like she pretends to have any stage presence or charisma.
Bristol claims that she has only ever slept with one guy. Mark Ballas is either the touchy-feeliest person ever or...
In other news, Jennifer Grey didn't cry this week. The producers are now giving her the perseverance edit. She will lift that Mirror Ball Trophy...even if she needs a body cast in the process. Jennifer is dancing better than ever. My inner gay needs her to win. I will not rest until baby wins this competition. Jennifer and Derek are pure magic. Her cha-cha-cha was worth every inflated score this show has to offer.
Sadly, Jennifer did not mention overcoming a career-ending nose job in her inspirational package.
I do worry about Jennifer Grey's chances in the freestyle. If Brandy brings her hip hop action to the stage, it may be difficult to out-energize a live music video. Whitney Houston scares me and I'd be afraid to go against her. Despite an iffy Paso Doble, Brandy actually managed to be quite elegant during her Tango. I lived for the lifts and didn't even see any inner Beyonce poking through.
Lacey Schwimmer may be the black sheep of Dancing With The Stars, but I can't help rooting for Kyle Massey. He is just one big ball of love. Sadly, I worry about his chances to make the finals. The Tea Party has proved time and again to lack any sense of logic, reason or taste. One can only pray that the producers will find some way to fix this, but we should all be prepared for the worst. Last night might just be the last time we ever see his overabundance of bounce to the ounce!
Let us pray.