Who watched this?
Today's Oprah premiere may have been her most self-aggrandizing moment yet. Oprah "gave" the audience a trip to AAAUUUUUSSSSSSTTTTTRAILLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Oprah's 'suspected gay' Scientologist BFF JOHN TRAAVOLLLTAAAA was on the show today for no apparent reason other than to show a clip of him giving her a toast where he called her a 'citizen of the world.' We need to keep a tally of how many Scientologist BFFs appear on the show (as well as the purported gays.) This will aide us in our own analysis of the Gayly-Oprah-Stedman Love Triangle.
Oprah brought all of her most devoted fans to the premiere. Gayle was even dispatched to Boston to bring some blonde white women to the premiere and surprise them by having them being driven onto the set. These women were borderline Oprah sized and frankly, I worried about their hearts. The Australia reaction topped everything in Oprah history. Hell, the studio audience was crying before the episode even started. It was truly a cult gathering. Wait until they find out about the gift tax they'll have to pay for that vacay!
My favorite moment was when Oprah brought out a woman who met all of the requirements for Oprah to like her and congratulate her on being inspired by her own fabulousness:
1. She talked about Oprah being her inspiration.
2. She admitted to watching 5500 hours of Oprah.
3. She eternally kissed her ass by going to Africa (Oprah likes all things Africa)
4. She built a house in Oprah and "changed her life."
We may have to discuss this farewell season from time to time in order to get through the pain together.
Did you LIVE for today's episode or did you prefer last season's extraordinary premiere?